


Maybe I Am?

by ALMartin1011



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Boys In Love, Bucky has the patience of a saint, Bucky is in IT, Confused Steve Rogers, Gay Bucky Barnes, Idiots in Love, Lots of sex in this one, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Steve is also oblivious, Steve runs a gym, Steve tries to figured his shit out, Straight Steve Rogers, both are adorkable, identity porn kinda in the beginning, like honestly fifty percent smut and fifty percent plot, sexually confused Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:15:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23756731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALMartin1011/pseuds/ALMartin1011
Summary: After meeting in a chatroom online Steve and Bucky finally get to meet in real life. Bucky is completely smitten while Steve is shocked Bucky is a man. Even more shocking, Steve can't shake the feeling that he still likes Bucky.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 76
Kudos: 268





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies! One of my favorite versions of Steve is the sweet confused Steve, and so I decided to have a little fun with him in this fic. Also, Steve Rogers is a Slytherin and I will fight ya’ll to the death on that one. If you don’t believe me read #10 in THIS article. There will be six chapters total, one posted every evening until we’re done. Hope you enjoy! XOXO - Ash

Bucky stared at Alpine, desperate for more companionship than the fluffy white cat could provide. He’d been stuck inside for the past four days while he got over the damned late winter cold he’d caught. Bucky hadn’t been sick in almost two years so he couldn’t really complain, but he was social by nature and Alpine could only do so much for her end of the conversation. He finally drug himself out of bed, carrying his fluffy duvet to the sofa with him so he could throw on a rerun of The Good Place and fire up his laptop. Bucky logged into the chat site he used to frequent that hosted discussions on all different fandoms from movies to television shows to music. He used to love hanging out online in some of the Harry Potter chats, especially HuffleHaven which he was pleased to see was still active. Bored and not really feeling up to fangirling at a level appropriate for a proud Hufflepuff, he hopped into a punk rock appreciation chat to hopefully find a way out of his bored funk. 

**WinterBae** : so ur a Greenday fan?  
 **AmericanIdiot** : What was your first clue?  
 **WinterBae** : well i heard the sounds of hysteria  
 **AmericanIdiot** : LOL nice. Is that your cat in the profile pic?  
 **WinterBae** : yuppp, that’s my girl Alpine  
 **AmericanIdiot** : She looks sweet. So, what fandom are you here for?

Bucky flicked over to view AmericanIdiot’s profile and was instantly smitten with the blonde who claimed punk rock was life and he could live on tacos alone if given the chance. He wondered briefly if the pic was real, it wasn’t unheard of for people to use model’s photos instead of their own, and the guy in AmericanIdiot’s picture was definitely model worthy. Tall, buff, and gorgeous; Bucky was definitely interested in more than conversation. Well, nothing to make himself feel better than a little harmless flirting. 

xxXxx

_Three months later._

**AmericanIdiot** : I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.  
 **WinterBae** : oh come on! it’s not that bad, just let the hat sort you and i’ll let you retreat to your boring punk rock group.   
**AmericanIdiot** : You so owe me for this one.   
**WinterBae** : puhleeeease please please please  
 **AmericanIdiot** : FINE. But you still owe me.   
**WinterBae** : whatever you want. Promise :D  
 **[Private Chat Initiated]**  
 **AmericanIdiot** : Well shit.   
**WinterBae** : was i right??  
 **AmericanIdiot** : I hate you.   
**WinterBae** : nope, u luv me. and i told u so ;)  
 **AmericanIdiot** : How in the ever loving fuck am I a Slytherin?? I literally help my neighbor with her grocery bags every week! I feel like a puppy kicker now.  
 **WinterBae** : the hat sees inside ur soul puppy kicker mwahaha  
 **AmericanIdiot** : You totally owe me.   
**WinterBae** : fine. coffee? sunday morning maybe? r u near red hook?   
**AmericanIdiot** : I’m over in Park Slope. So not too far. Wait, are you serious? You really want to meet up?  
 **WinterBae** : let’s meet @ magnolia cafe 10am on sunday  
 **AmericanIdiot** : But how will I know it’s you?  
 **WinterBae** : i’ll wear a red rose tucked in my hair. cuz i’m classy like that lol  
 **AmericanIdiot** : Haha. Nice. I can’t wait.  
 **WinterBae** : me too :)

Steve closed the lid of his laptop, unable to believe his luck. He was finally going to meet WinterBae in real life after months of witty banter and playful flirting. He pulled on his sneakers, ready to go run out all the nervous energy thrumming inside him, and he hoped he wasn’t getting his hopes too high. Sam had already pointed out several times that he didn’t know a whole lot about WinterBae, not even what she really looked like. Steve maintained he wasn’t shallow and he knew enough about her to know that she was everything he’d hoped to find in a woman. She was bright and funny, kept him on his toes for sure, and had a biting wit that left him laughing harder than he had in years. Steve had been so lonely since Peggy up and left him, moving back to England after eight months of living together. He was finally ready to move on and he hoped WinterBae would be the one to do that with. 

Across the bustling streets of Brooklyn, in his little apartment in Red Hook, Bucky was rapid fire texting Nat about his date. She cheered him on good naturedly, happy he was actually putting himself back out there after the disaster that was Brock Rumlow. Bucky was proud that he’d been so smooth in asking AmericanIdiot to meet up, or at least smooth by his own nerdy standards. He reminded himself several times that even if the profile pic wasn’t really AmericanIdiot, he would most likely still be interested. How could he not be after spending the past three months talking to the guy every day? They talked about everything together and Bucky felt like he knew AmericanIdiot better than some of his real life friends. Two more days and he would have a name and a face to put with the amazing, brilliant, artistic guy he was completely head over heels for. Now he just had to figure out where to buy a red rose.

xxXxx

Bucky sat at a small cafe table inside Magnolia Cafe, trying not to fidget with the rose tucked behind his ear. He felt a little silly for wearing it, but also kind of like he was in a romance novel waiting to meet his knight in shining armor. He had worn his very best skinny jeans and a black button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, leaving his assortment of bracelets on display. He wasn’t getting his hopes up, but damned if he wasn’t going to look his best just in case. Nat had insisted on going along, wanting to make sure Bucky’s online friend wasn’t some kind of creeper. The fierce redhead sat a few tables away, poised and ready to strike should the guy make any untoward moves. Bucky loved how protective Nat was, though honestly she was a bit terrifying at times. So he waited, scrolling through Buzzfeed News, hoping that maybe this once luck would be on his side.

Steve was so nervous he was sweating a little by the time he got to the cafe. He wiped his palms on the side of his tee shirt, wondering belatedly if he should have put in a little more effort. All he had was work clothes anymore, even the navy tee he had on was emblazoned with their star logo and the name of their gym underneath. Paired with the only jeans he owned and a lightweight leather jacket, he hoped he would make a good first impression. WinterBae had mentioned being into fashion but Steve had never had an eye for that sort of thing. Nerves rising, Steve hoped he would be able to find WinterBae easily. He knew only that she would have a red rose tucked in her hair, and from a brief mention a few weeks ago about haircuts, he knew to expect shoulder length wavy brown hair. But that was it. Steve reminded himself that he needed to go into this with open eyes, if nothing else he would walk away with a new friend. Someone other than Sam to hang out with, somewhere other than the gym they co-owned. Deep down though, he still hoped for more.

The cafe was dimly lit inside and it took Steve a minute to let his eyes adjust. He scanned the room quickly, taking note of all the women sitting at various tables. Most were with other people, leaving only four on their own, but try as he might he couldn’t spot red roses on any of them. He felt a pang of disappointment but prayed he was just early and not being stood up. He was about to go order himself an Americano to sip while he waited when he heard a rough, masculine voice call out “AmericanIdiot?” in a tone tinged with awe.

Steve turned in the direction of the voice to see a man about his age with a red rose tucked into his shoulder length wavy brown hair. His mouth moved while his brain reeled, “WinterBae?”

“Yeah! Hey!” Bucky felt like he was vibrating out of his skin; he was so thrilled. The blonde god standing in front of him really was the man from the picture, and he looked even better in real life, if that was possible. Brilliant, sweet, and hot. Bucky had hit the jackpot. 

Steve let himself be pulled into a warm hug, the man was a few inches shorter than his own 6’2” and fit nicely against his chest. _The man_. WinterBae was a man. Steve replayed all of their conversations in his head and kept coming up with the same assumption. Steve had never once in a million years thought he was a man. He supposed in retrospect that having a female best friend, a love of clothes, and a cat he called a “fur baby” was not necessarily concrete signs of being a woman, but damned if Steve had even thought twice about WinterBae’s gender. He forced himself to return the hug, happy to meet a new friend, even though his heart was crushed under the disappointment that nothing more would be coming of this meeting. 

“I’m so glad you made it.” Bucky told him as they pulled apart.

“Of course. Gotta get my cup of coffee for being tortured by a magical hat.” 

Bucky laughed, a rich rumbling sound, “Yeah, a Slytherin would never pass up the opportunity to benefit off the kindness of others.” 

“Well at least your poor little Huffle-brain won’t realize what’s going on.” 

“Ouch, punk. Those are some strong words from someone who watched Sorcerer's Stone for the first time less than a month ago.” 

“It’s your fault I did too, jerk. Uh, you can call me Steve by the way.” 

“Steve, nice. It suits you. I’m Bucky. Well, James, but everyone calls me Bucky.” 

“Now that’s a story I have to hear.” Steve said with a laugh and let Bucky lead him over to the line for his drink. 

They ended up spending two and a half hours talking at their little table at the cafe. Coffee turned into a muffin to split, which turned into a panini and iced teas for both of them. Steve couldn’t remember the last time conversation flowed so easily with someone. Talking to Bucky felt like they had been best friends for years opposed to only knowing each other a few months. They topic hopped relentlessly, never losing each other along the way. Steve found himself laughing so hard his ribs hurt when Bucky spoke about one of his teenage misadventures with his sister Becca. 

Bucky was very clearly flirting by the time they finished their lunch; shooting Steve sweet little smiles every so often and pushing his hair back behind his ear coyly. Steve knew he should put the breaks on the flirting, he didn’t want to lead Bucky on, but it was so much easier to just smile along with him. In his thirty years of life, Steve had never once questioned his sexuality. Men had never held any attraction for him, but something about the way Bucky chewed on his bottom lip, the tiny tip of his pink tongue peeking out, had part of Steve wanting to taste that lip himself. 

With a cough, Steve shook his head, trying to clear his unexpected wayward thoughts. “I’m sorry, I missed that.” he prompted.

Bucky titled his head slightly with a lopsided smile, “It’s okay. I was just saying that my sister was the one who gave me the courage to come out to my parents. She came out first and seeing how my parents reacted made it a lot easier for me to. She was only 15 at the time, but she always has been a hell of a lot braver than I am.” 

“I doubt that. But that’s great you guys are so close.” 

“Yeah, she’s been my best friend since the day she was born. Well, other than Nat, but don’t tell her that.” Bucky chuckled thinking back on the loving bickering Becca and Nat used to do when they were younger. “So how did you come out to your parents?” 

Steve wanted to die on the spot. A bright blush tinged his cheeks, staining his pale skin all the way down his neck. “I, uh. Well. I’m not. Um. I didn’t, actually. Because I’m not, um, gay.” Please god, let the ground open up and swallow me whole, he prayed silently, unable to meet Bucky’s eyes. 

The smile Bucky had worn, waiting for what he thought must have been one hell of a story based on Steve's blush, completely vanished. Along with all his foolish daydreams of dating someone as amazing as Steve. “Oh. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed.” he finally choked out semi-normal sounding. 

“No, it’s my fault.” Steve hastily protested, “We talked so much online and I didn’t realize you were a man.” The wide eyed shock on Bucky’s face made Steve realize he hadn’t made things any better.

“Wait, what? You thought I was a woman?” Bucky asked incredulously. 

“Well, yeah. Nothing about your profile or our conversations were very clear and I guess I just somehow jumped to the conclusion that you were. I’m sorry, Bucky.” 

Disappointed but not wanting to miss out on a great friendship Bucky forced himself to smile reassuringly at Steve. “It’s okay. No harm done. So you're straight then?”

“I think so.” 

That did not help things. “That’s kinda something you know.” 

“Yeah, I thought so too. I like talking to you though. A lot.” Bucky was looking at him like he had three heads and Steve just wanted to crawl home and die of embarrassment. 

“Okay. I like talking to you a lot too. We can just be friends though, Steve. I’m not going to get my feelings hurt just because you bat for the other team.” 

“Thanks. I really am sorry. If I were to ever switch teams you’d be the first guy I call. You’re incredible.” 

“Aww come on. You don’t gotta say that. It’s all good, really. Now tell me more about this gym you run.”

Steve sighed, thankful to change topics, “Well, my best friend Sam and I opened it when he retired from the Air Force six years ago.” Steve launched into the story of how he met Sam through the VA where they had both volunteered as teenagers and then years later, they teamed up to start Shield Gym which was now one of the most popular gyms in the city.

The conversation lulled a little after that and Bucky politely refrained from any more flirting. Steve found himself missing the cute little gestures. He couldn’t figure out what the hell was wrong with him but he knew he needed to figure it out sooner rather than later. They parted as friends, swapping cell phone numbers so they could text instead of the message boards and private chats online. Steve initiated the goodbye hug, wanting to test the feeling of the smaller man in his arms once more. It was just as nice as the first time and only added to Steve’s confusion. 

Nat caught up with Bucky barely a block from the cafe, pulling him for a tight hug when she saw his morose expression. “Do I need to kill him?” she asked seriously.

“He's straight.” Bucky told her, “Well, he said he thinks he’s straight. Whatever the hell that means.” 

Nat quirked a brow at that, not commenting though.

“Either way, back to spending all my nights with you and Alpine. And Becca, when the brat has time to fly out.” 

“Maybe don’t write him off just yet.” Nat said carefully, “I saw you two together, it was sweet.” 

Bucky sighed, “I can’t do it, Nat. Just let the poor straight boy be slightly confused on his own before he settles down with some perfect human barbie doll he meets at his gym.” 

Nat pursed her lips in disapproval but remained silent. She wrapped an arm around Bucky’s waist and followed him home so they could share a pint of gelato and watch a trashy rom-com until Bukcy felt better. 

“Shit, Sam.” Steve whined at his best friend back in their gym in Park Slope. He’d gone straight from the cafe to the gym, knowing Sam was working the midday shift. “How did this happen?”

“You made an honest mistake, it happens.” Sam tried to be kind with his words, “But, and I’m not saying I told you so, you didn’t really know as much about this guy as you thought you did.” 

“That might have been the politest ‘I told you so’ ever.” 

“I _am_ sorry that it didn’t work out though. I know you thought you really falling for this WinterBae.” 

“His name is Bucky. And, I don’t know Sam, he’s just as incredible in person. More so, even. I don’t know what to do. I’m not gay. But…. maybe I am?” 

Sam set down the bottle of spray disinfectant and the rag he was wiping down the machines with. “Steve, I know you had your hopes up for this guy. But he’s a guy. And being straight, or not straight, is typically something you figure out before your thirties.” 

“I know. _I know_.” Steve groaned, raking his hands through his hair. 

“At least you made a new friend, right?” Sam tried hopefully.

Steve shook his head, “Yeah, but it doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t know what to do, Sam.”

“You gotta figure that one out on your own, man. But whatever you do, don’t drag that poor boy through whatever premature mid life crisis you got going on. It wouldn’t be fair to him to get his hopes up.” 

“I know that.” Steve fought to keep the glare he wanted to give Sam off his face, “I would never hurt him. I just… I need to think about it, I guess.” 

Sam clapped Steve on the shoulder supportively before resuming his cleaning, “You do that. And if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.” 

Steve thanked him and then headed out. He had a lot of thinking to do.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve takes a risk and the guys go out on a “date”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Today is one of those days where I am eternally grateful for having a “draft” option. Because honestly, ya girl is exhausted. So yay for drafts! Enjoy chapter two. I’m honestly too tired to give ya’ll a better note right now. :-\ XOXO - Ash

Steeeeve [9:32:08PM]: Hey, it’s Steve.  
Bucky Barnes [9:32:47PM]: hi steve  
Steeeeve [9:33:15PM]: I had a lot of fun meeting up today.  
Bucky Barnes [9:33:39PM]: me 2

Steve huffed staring at Bucky’s second generic response. He was usually so much more lively. Steve took a long sigh and started texting what he needed to get off his chest.

Steeeeve [9:35:21PM]: I’m sorry if I came off as confused or misleading.  
Steeeeve [9:35:26PM]: I didn’t mean to do that. But I am kind of confused right now.  
Steeeeve [9:35:35PM]: I spent so much time liking the idea of you, and you in real life was even more amazing than I could have expected. But I’ve never dated a guy before and I never expected to want to. And now I think I do.  
Steeeeve [9:35:49PM]: I’m sorry. This probably isn’t any less confusing. I’m apparently really bad at this lol. I guess what I’m trying to say is, will you go out on a maybe-date with me? I want to try and see how I feel. I don’t want to string you on, but I want to try.

Bucky stared at the flurry of texts coming into his phone. Damn, serial texter much? He read and re-read Steve texts a few times, chewing nervously his bottom lip, trying to find a response. He wasn’t willing to let his heart get trample on again, not after Brock. But he really liked Steve and if there was a chance Steve might like him too, it was too good to pass up. He had a distinct feeling he was going to regret it, but he tapped out the only honest response he could think of.

Bucky Barnes [9:44:13PM]: i like u 2 steve. i get that ur confused. lets try ur maybe-date and see how it goes? if it goes well cool, if not no hard feelings. k?  
Steeeeve [9:45:20PM]: Thank you. Really, thank you for being so great about this. Can we get dinner one night this week?  
Bucky Barnes [9:45:55PM]: im free any nite but tues  
Steeeeve [9:46:10PM]: I can do Friday night around 7. There’s a really great Mexican place a few blocks over from the gym if you’re willing to schelp all the way over to Park Slope.  
Bucky Barnes [9:46:31PM]: sounds good. see u then

Bucky sighed, putting his phone away into the pocket of his favorite old hoodie. He had a date. A maybe-date, but for some reason that felt good enough for him at the moment.

xxXxx

Steve discovered the best part of being able to text Bucky wasn’t just that their chatting was no longer limited to when they were both near a computer, but that they now had a full range of emojis, memes, and GIFs at their disposal. He could now send Bucky random funny things he found during the day and he felt a little proud when Bucky would send back a string of laughing emojis, knowing he had brightened the other man’s day a little. He had worried with their maybe-date looming things might be a little awkward but if anything they were going even better. By the time Friday came Steve was genuinely looking forward to their maybe-date. He had even gone out on Wednesday before his shift at the gym to pick up a set of clothes that were distinctly not gym wear. He couldn’t remember the last time he bought a button up shirt but he had to admit the blue and white checked shirt looked nice on him. He was trying not to stress over the maybe-date but he felt this gnawing need to know, definitively, if he was truly interested in Bucky, or just the fantasy of WinterBae. 

Steve raced home Friday to shower and change, hoping he’d left himself enough time to do all that and still make it over to Los Aztecas in time. Taking the time to slick back his hair and do a quick shave, Steve was hustling out the door only to realize he’d forgotten the bottle of wine once he got outside. After a fast double back for the wine he was on his way, making it to the tiny authentic Mexican restaurant with three minutes to spare. He had barely stopped walking when he saw Bucky hopping out of an uber. Steve felt a little flutter at the sight of Bucky and he took it as a good sign. 

Bucky looked amazing in his dark skinny jeans and a silky looking black shirt. A minimalist necklace was around his throat, the simple bar resting just below the wings of his collarbones. Steve noticed Bucky had swapped out the cheery beaded bracelets he’d worn on Sunday for a set of sleek silver and leather ones. He looked like he belonged on the cover of a fashion magazine and Steve felt ridiculous in what Sam had teased was his bible salesman outfit. 

“Heya.” Bucky greeted warmly, extending an arm for a half hug.

“Hey,” Steve echoed, hugging back with his free hand. “Ready for the best Mexican food of your life?” 

“Definitely, let’s go.” 

Steve led Bucky inside the little restaurant, its cozy decor making the place feel intimate instead of cramped. Steve had called ahead for reservations so they were whisked off to a table as soon as he gave the concierge his name. Bucky was looking around fascinated, taking in all the colorful decorations. 

“It’s really something, huh?” Steve prompted with a smile.

Bucky nodded in agreement, “Yeah, it’s beautiful. So much art packed into so little space. Thanks for bringing me here, Steve.” 

“It’s one of my favorite places in the area, mostly for the tacos but also for the art. I got my degree in fine art before I switched gears and went back to get certified in exercise science.” 

“That’s quite a switch.” Bucky laughed.

“Art will always be my first love, but it’s not exactly profitable. And once I got healthier I knew I wanted to help other people do the same. I was really sick as a kid and didn’t hit any major growth spurts until I was almost 21. After that, I worked out a lot getting used to my new body and fell in love with the gym.” 

“Wow. I’m glad you were able to get healthier, and it’s sweet you’re trying to give back to others with that.” 

“Do you go to a gym? I won’t be offended that it’s a competitor, I swear.” 

Bucky barked out a laugh, “No. God, no. I am perfectly happy with not having abs or a totally flat stomach as long as waffles exist.” 

Steve couldn’t help his eyes dropping to Bucky’s stomach which honestly couldn’t have had more than the smallest layer of padding across it. “That’s okay too. Waffles are pretty great.” 

The waitress stopped by to uncork their wine and drop off a basket of fresh tortilla chips and salsa verde. 

“What did you bring?” Bucky asked as he took the glass of white wine Steve had poured him.

“Albariño. A waitress here recommended it a few years ago and now it’s my go to. It’s light and crisp, and kinda citrusy? I’m not a wine snob but it’s damn good and goes really well with tacos. I hope you like white wine, I forgot to ask.” 

“I’ve yet to meet a white wine I didn’t like, so you’re safe.” Bucky sipped the wine and his eyes lit up, “Oh yeah, this is good. I’ll be hunting this down next time I go shopping.” 

“You can get it over at the little wine boutique near the farmers market in Sunset Park. They always have this kind.”

“Nice, I’ll have to check it out. My sister will love this the next time she visits.” 

The conversation flowed as the basket of tortilla chips disappeared, only ebbing when their platters arrived and they tucked into their food. Steve had ordered his usual taco platter while Bucky opted for the taquitos platter, an assortment of slow roasted meats wrapped in thin crispy shells. He let out a groan at his first bite that had Steve’s heart stuttering in his chest. The maybe-date had mostly felt like a friend-date up until that point, though Steve had to admit there was a tiny flutter of _like_ there too. But the noise Bucky made and the expression on his face had Steve thinking anything but friends only thoughts. 

Bucky caught Steve staring at him as he licked a dribble of sauce off his bottom lip. He hadn’t gotten a distinct date-date vibe from Steve but the look on the blonde’s face was priceless. Bucky thought he probably had made a similar one the first time he saw Devon Sawa in Wild America when he was 12. He had never stood a chance of being straight after that. Testing the waters a little bit, Bucky smirked at Steve, making it abundantly clear he’d been caught staring. Steve flushed and Bucky’s smile widened. There might be hope after all.

Steve wasn’t sure if it was the wine or too many tacos but by the time dinner was over he felt glued to his seat. He hated knowing the evening was coming to an end and wanted to do something, anything, to prolong it. The waitress dropped off the sales receipt with a pen and Steve tried to steady his hand as he signed his name. He knew he needed to muster up his courage or he would be saying goodbye to Bucky in mere minutes.

“Thanks again for paying.” Bucky said after draining the last of his wine, “This was really nice.” 

“It was.” Steve agreed, seeing his chance, “You know, I have another bottle of this wine back at my place if you wanna come over for a bit. Maybe you could help me find that movie app you were telling me about for the Fire Stick?”

“Sure, I’m happy to help. I won’t say no to more of that wine either.” Bucky stamped down the hopeful cheering in his chest that Steve was inviting him over. The poor guy probably didn’t mean that anything would happen other than wine and tech help but Bucky could always dream. He would be respectful though, he resolved to himself. He’d never dated a guy who was questioning his sexuality before and Bucky didn’t want to push too far too soon. Bucky figured it was best to let Steve set the pace and just hope his heart didn’t get run over in the process. 

Steve’s apartment was only four blocks from the restaurant, a second floor walk up in an old converted brownstone. It was nicer than Bucky’s little hole in the wall apartment and even had a small second bedroom that Steve had set up as a home office. After giving Bucky a quick tour, he led them to the kitchen to pull another bottle of Albariño out of his cabinet. Passing a stemless glass to Bucky, he poured them both a generous amount of wine which they carried out to the living room so Bucky could show Steve the app he’d mentioned during dinner. A few clicks and a quick download later, Steve had access to a ridiculous amount of free movies. 

“This is so great.” Steve praised, clicking through the different options. “Oh I love this one!”

“Hm?” Bucky looked up from his glass to see Steve hovering over 10 Things I Hate About You. “Oh that one is great. I remember wanting to be Patrick Verona when I grew up after seeing that.” 

Steve gave an amused side eyed look at Bucky. “I think you did a decent job.” he teased, throwing on the movie out of sheer impulse.

Bucky laughed, “You’re sweet. But god knows I’ll never be that smooth.” 

“You’re better off than me. I’ve been told I’m hopeless on more than one occasion.” 

“You hold your own, Rogers.” Bucky assured him, reaching over to take Steve’s hand in his, stroking the pad of his thumb over the ridges of Steve’s knuckles. 

Steve blinked slowly, looking from their joined hands up to Bucky’s face. It felt good, that fluttery feeling stirring in his gut at the contact. He gave Bucky a smile and squeezed his hand gently, making sure his consent was clear.

The movie rolled and they sipped their wine as Patrick did his best to woo Kat. Bucky slowly nudged closer to Steve until he was pressed against his side, his head leaning against Steve’s shoulder. He was warm and comfortable and completely unwilling to move by the time Letters to Cleo played into the credits. 

“I can’t believe it’s after eleven already.” Steve yawned. 

Bucky yawned next, set off by Steve’s. “Same. I had a really good night, Steve.” He looked up curiously, wondering if Steve had found any new revelations on their maybe-date. 

“Me too. This was… really nice. Hey, um, I know this was a maybe-date, but maybe um…”

Bucky shifted so he could sit up taller and face Steve while he fumbled for words.

“I, um, I’d really like to kiss you right now.” Steve blurted out, looking equal parts excited and terrified. 

Bucky’s smile was like the sun. “Okay, yeah.” Bucky reached out to cup Steve’s cheek, going agonizingly slow to give Steve a chance to bolt if he needed it. He leaned up a little and Steve craned his neck down, tentatively meeting Bucky’s lips with his own. 

A soft press, a pause, another soft press, and then the kiss deepened, Bucky’s lips parting to slot Steve’s with his. Steve let out a choked off moan, unable to believe what he was doing and how good it felt. He let a hand rake through Bucky’s hair and it only made him want to feel more of the silky locks. The scent of cedar and teak from his cologne filled Steve’s nose and though it was very distinctly male, Steve couldn’t get enough of it. It was so much more than he could have expected but also not nearly enough. He was breathing raggedly when he finally pulled back, repressing a shudder at the well kissed expression on Bucky’s face. His full bottom lip was shining and red, his eyes heavy lidded and his chest heaving just as much as Steve’s. 

“Whoa.” Steve finally breathed out in amazement.

“Yeah, whoa.” Bucky agreed. “So does this help in sorting out if this was a date-date?”

“I think it was definitely a date-date.” 

“I’m glad. And do you think you’d want to try another date sometime?”

“When are you free next?” Steve chuckled, only half kidding. 

“Easy there, pal.” Bucky warned lightly, patting Steve’s ridiculously broad chest. “We’ll find a day again soon.” 

Steve nodded, knowing Bucky was right for wanting to take things slow. He led Bucky over to the door, giving him one last quick kiss goodbye before the brunette headed out into the early summer night. Steve was still floored by his own reactions to Bucky but it felt so right that he couldn’t agonize over it for long.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys meet up for a casual Sunday farmers market trip but when they get back to Bucky’s apartment things heat up fast.
> 
> Content Warning: basic second base smuttiness; swapping hand jobs and some frottage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I told ya'll there was gonna a lot of smut in this one and I'm starting to deliver as of this chapter :) So please, enjoy some lovely smuttiness on this fine Wednesday evening lol. XOXO - Ash

“I told you so.” Natasha cheered over their plate of danishes the next morning. 

Bucky’s smile was sphinx-like as he nibbled on his pastry, “You did. I’m still not 100% sure he’s not going to just bolt at some point but I think that’s a risk I’m going to have to take.” 

“It sounds like a risk worth taking if one kiss has you smiling like that twelve hours later.”

“Ugh, Nat! And for the record, it was more than just one.” Bucky chuckled as Natasha shoved at him playfully.

Across town Steve was helping Sam tidy up in between classes and trying to avoid the grilling he knew Sam wanted to give. They had recapped the last class and personal training sessions and planned out the room for the next group coming in. They went over all the adjustments needed to the next week’s schedule since they were still covering for Thor who was out on paternity leave for the next four weeks now that his wife Jane had the baby. By the time they were setting the last of the kettle bells on the rack they had run out of gym related topics. Sam gave him another side eyed glance and Steve sighed, knowing what was coming.

“So are you still talking to Bucky?” Sam finally asked.

Steve had been reluctant to tell Sam about anything other than their first meeting. He hadn’t even told Sam why he’d bought the new outfit for earlier that week. It was still so new and he was unsure himself of where things were going, or where he even wanted them to go. He figured if in the end he realized he was bi or gay or whatever, then he could tell his friends. But until he was sure there was no point in announcing anything. “I am.” Steve admitted reluctantly.

“And how’s that going?” Sam seemed genuinely interested but Steve still clammed up.

“Good, he’s a good friend. We’ve been swapping memes all week.” 

“Nice. See, it all worked out and now you have someone else to send those stupid GIFs from The Office to.” 

“Hey, don’t knock one of the best TV shows of all time.” Steve glared pointedly.

“Whatever floats your boat, man.” Sam moved on, heading over to the desk to check the roster one last time before he started pulling out mats for their next class. A small twinge of guilt bit in Steve’s stomach, knowing he had let Sam make a wrong conclusion and hadn’t corrected him. But really, what was the point if he still wasn’t sure of everything himself? 

xxXxx

Bucky woke early on the Sunday after their date, restless in a way he hadn’t been in a while. He wanted to see Steve again but it had only been a day. Bucky busied himself with too much coffee and a book while he did laundry in his building's basement, trying to distract himself for a while. By 10am all of his standard keep busy chores were done and he was staring at his phone, trying to make Steve text him by sheer force of will. Giving up he started swiping through Instagram, catching up on his friend’s weekend adventures. Pepper had posted a cute picture of a bouquet she bought at the local farmers market and Bucky realized he had found the perfect reason to text Steve. It was innocent enough and casual so if Steve was busy or declined it wasn’t earth shattering. Plan in place, Bucky fired off a quick text.

Bucky Barnes [10:17:44AM]: hey u. im heading 2 the farmers market in sunset park. gonna stop 4 more of that wine. wanna come?  
Steeeeve [10:19:23AM]: Hey! That sounds fun. What time?  
Bucky Barnes [10:19:52AM]: headed over now if ur free  
Steeeeve [10:20:08AM]: Okay. I just need to throw on some shoes and I’ll head out. I can be there in like 15min.  
Bucky Barnes [10:20:33AM]: k see u then

Bucky scrambled to fix his hair and pick a shirt from the pile he’d just brought up. He hadn’t expected Steve to be willing to meet up so quickly and he was still wearing his laundry day sweatpants. He was closer to the market than Steve but he also needed more time to get ready so he ended up getting a “I’m here” text from Steve on his way. 

Steve was waiting by a jewelry stand when Bucky caught up with him. He had been wandering around for a few minutes and the display of beaded bracelets caught his eye. They reminded him of the ones Bucky had worn when they first met and he wondered which ones Bucky would like. 

“Hey!” Bucky greeted him with a small wave as he approached.

“Hey.” Steve echoed happily. He almost reached out for a hug but something held him back and after a second ticked by he realized he should have just done it but the moment had passed. 

“What are you looking at?” Bucky asked, a little disappointed he hadn’t gotten their standard greeting hug and wanting to move on. 

“Oh, these things caught my eye while I was browsing.” 

“They’re nice. I love the way the translucent ones almost glow.” Bucky picked up one of the vivid pink ones, letting the sunlight hit it from different angles. 

“Let me buy it for you.” Steve offered before his brain caught up with his mouth. 

Bucky looked skeptically at him, “You don’t have to do that.” 

“I want to, please?” 

“Thanks, Stevie.” Bucky said softly, handing the bracelet over. 

Steve blushed at the nickname, ducking his head and walking over to pay the sales girl for the bracelet. Once purchased, he returned it to Bucky who slid it on his wrist next to the two others he was currently wearing.

“Perfect.” Steve praised. 

Bucky was looking appreciatively at his newest addition while Steve was looking appreciatively at Bucky. God, he was gorgeous. Bucky was dressed casually in light washed jeans and a dark grey shirt with _no one should live in a closet_ written in fancy script with a wand below it, all in rainbow colors. Leave it to Bucky. “I like your shirt. Harry Potter reference, right?” Steve guessed.

“Yep. I found it at Pride last year and I’m completely in love with it.” 

“It’s very _you_.” 

“I’m taking that as a compliment.” Bucky preened for a moment. 

Steve chuckled, “Come on, let’s go get some coffee. Altitude Coffee has a little pop up shop back that way.” 

Steve and Bucky trailed their way through the bustling farmers market, picking up things here and there. Some they actually needed for groceries, but others were just fun impulse buys. They each had overly full canvas totes by the time they were done, and hauled their finds along with them to the wine shop. They each bought a full box from the shop, having stocked up on a half case of their favorites, which only further slowed Bucky down. While Steve had the muscles and endurance to haul a giant tote and six bottles of wine around the city, Bucky did not. 

“Uh, Steve.” Bucky panted out, finally giving up. 

Steve looked over and realized Bucky had fallen a few steps behind while he was talking about a winery he had visited while in Canada a few years ago. 

“I think I need to tap out.” Bucky admitted while shifting his bag as much as he could to get comfortable. 

“Shit, I’m so sorry.” Steve shifted his tote higher on his shoulder, wondering if he could sling Bucky’s on next to his. “Here, let me take your bag.” he extended a hand towards Bucky’s bag.

Bucky was conflicted, he wanted to try and at least get his stuff home but Steve probably could carry both without breaking a sweat. Damned muscled god of a man. “How about this? Since I’m the one wimping out, let me call us an Uber. I can probably get us one less than five minutes.” 

Steve frowned at the idea of an expensive ride all the back to Park Slope. “You don’t have to do that. I can carry our stuff.” 

“If I call us an Uber we could go back to my place and try that baguette and jam I bought.”

“Ooh, that’s a good bribe. I have that cheese I got too.” Steve looked at Bucky for a long moment. An afternoon of good food and even better company was too tempting to pass up. “You sure you don’t mind me coming over?” 

“Not at all. It’s a tiny little crap shack of a place, but it’s my tiny little crap shack.” 

Bucky was already pulling up the app and ordering them a car when Steve finally said, “Okay, let’s go.” 

The Uber ride back to Bucky’s place was barely more than ten minutes and they sat cramped in the back of a Prius with their wine boxes in the trunk and their totes in their laps. Bucky was trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness and shot Steve amused glances every so often, making the blonde have to tamp down his own laughter. By the time they got to Bucky’s apartment Steve practically leapt out of the tiny blue car, grateful to stretch back to his full height again. He insisted on carrying both of their totes and his box of wine bottles up to Bucky’s apartment, leaving Bucky his own wine to carry. Thankfully the building had an elevator and Steve seemed barely phased under the weight of all their stuff. Bucky tried to ignore the filthy thoughts racing through his head of what else Steve was strong enough to do. Like pick him up and fuck him against a wall. Or something. God, Bucky hoped Steve figured things out soon because he was barely through their second date and wanted to climb the man like a tree. 

“Home sweet home.” Bucky announced as he swung the door open to his apartment. He flicked on the recessed lighting in the living room and showed Steve to the kitchen where he could put their bags down. It was a cute little one bedroom apartment with a decent sized living room and dine-in kitchen. 

“It’s nice.” Steve said looking around as he placed their bags on the faux granite countertop. 

“It’s tiny but it works.” Bucky shrugged. 

Steve noticed the would be dining room area of the kitchen was set up with a desk and three wide computer monitors instead of a table. “That’s quite a set up over there.” 

“Oh, yeah.” Bucky looked embarrassed for a moment, “It’s a little ridiculous, but when you work from home it’s kinda nice to have a sweet setup. When I signed on to work for Stark Securities they gave me a signing bonus so I splurged and bought better equipment and that fancy office chair. It was completely worth it too.” 

“Good for you, you deserve it.” 

Bucky blushed lightly at the sincerity of Steve’s tone. He nervously spun the bracelet Steve had bought him around his wrist a few times, hoping he wasn’t setting himself for heartache. “So, lunch?” Bucky offered, the momentary tension dissipating. 

“Absolutely. Let’s break out that bread you got.” Steve started rifling through his bag for the soft cheese and candied pecans he’d bought while Bucky pulled out the heavy loaf of artisan bread, the little pot of homemade plum jam, and a bottle of Chloe Prosecco he’d bought at the wine shop. The bottle had been adorable with its fancy little bow and the sales girl had said it was a popular choice.

They laid out their feast on a large cutting board, teasing each other about how posh the whole thing was. It was a simple but seemingly elegant lunch spread and Bucky liked that their official second date had a bit of a classy feel to it. 

“I’m sorry I don’t have a table or anything for us to eat at.” Bucky waved his hand at his little office space. “I normally just eat on the sofa like a heathen.” 

“Honestly so do I.” Steve admitted with a chuckle.

“We can be heathens together then.” Bucky picked up their wine glasses while Steve carried the large tray out to the coffee table where they set up their feast. Flicking through his streaming channels he settled on Disney, knowing everyone loved those movies. “Have you seen the new Beauty and the Beast?”

Steve shook his head, “No, I heard it was good though.” 

“Good?” Bucky feigned offense, “Stephen Gilligan Rogers.” 

“Not my middle name.” Steve chuckled but Bucky was undeterred.

“BATB is not _good_. It is **iconic**. The elaborate costumes, the backdrops, the **music** , oh my god Steve, the music. We’re watching it. End of subject.” Bucky started up the movie, not even slightly apologetic for his dramatics. One had not lived until they saw Emma Watson as Belle. 

Two hours later Bucky was curled up against Steve, watching with misty eyes as the palace furniture turned back into real people as the curse lifted. Steve was completely engrossed in the movie, barely registering that he had been stroking Bucky’s hair for the better part of an hour. 

“Now do you see?” Bucky demanded as the credits rolled a few minutes later. 

“You were right. That was amazing.” Steve conceded. 

“It was always my favorite Disney movie as a kid but seeing it redone in such a perfect way really gets to me. I’ve threatened to dress up as Belle for the past three Halloweens now.” 

Steve grinned at the idea, “I think you’d make a beautiful Belle.” 

And just like that the air shifted. Bucky was suddenly very aware of how close they were curled up together and the way Steve was looking at him like he’d hung the moon. He didn’t want to rush Steve, he was willing to wait as Steve figured himself out, but if he kept looking at Bucky like that, his timeline needed to hurry up. “You’d make a very handsome beast.” he finally said, going for levity but falling short. 

Steve blushed so prettily, his eyes locked on Bucky’s lips, the bottom of which he was chewing on again. Steve knew now it was a nervous tell and it gave him a little thrill knowing he wasn’t the only nervous one. “I think I’d like to kiss you again.” he admitted quietly. 

“You don’t have to ask, honey.” Bucky purred, leaning in to press a tender kiss against Steve’s lips.

Steve’s body was shaking with nervous energy as Bucky shifted up onto his knees so he could kiss Steve easier. Bucky tasted like wine and plums and something very uniquely _him_ shuddered, “Yeah, it’s fine.” Steve let his hands come to rest on Bucky’s thick thighs on either side of his smaller ones. While Steve’s thighs were hard with well earned muscle, Bucky’s had natural musculature and a softness to them that had Steve wanting to sink his fingers into their plush expanse. Bucky had gone back to kissing him while his mind wandered and Steve decided to give Bucky’s thighs an exploratory squeeze. For science really, just to see if he would feel anything. The kissing so far had been fantastic but Steve worried they’d eventually hit a point where everything went to hell and he realized he was most definitely straight. And then he’d lose Bucky forever. 

Bucky made a light huffing sound when Steve sunk his fingers into the soft meat of his thighs. He was thankful Steve was getting a little braver and decided to run his hands up and down the length of Steve’s ridiculously muscled chest and stomach in a tentative exploration of his own. 

A choked noise made its way out of Steve’s throat as Bucky touched him with feather light hands. He wanted to rip his shirt off and give him all the access he wanted. But he was taking things slow, Steve reminded himself. Unfortunately, not all parts of Steve got that memo. 

Bucky had shifted a bit trying to sprinkle kisses along the sharp edge of Steve’s jaw when he accidentally brushed against an unexpected guest. “Oh, shit, sorry.” he blurted out, moving back an inch so he wasn’t pressed against the, frankly enormous, erection in Steve’s pants. 

Steve blushed from the tips of his ears all the way down his throat. “No, I’m sorry. I guess I got a little carried away.” 

Bucky glanced down at the tenting of Steve’s pants. Damn, he wanted to get his hands on Steve like _yesterday_. “I could, uh,” he cleared his throat roughly, “help you. With that.” Steve looked at him with wide bright blue eyes, so open and unsure, that Bucky started backpedaling all in a rush, “Or not, we can stop. We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.” 

Steve just grinned and leaned in to kiss Bucky again, his motions almost questioning. “I think I’d be okay going a little further this time.” he said quietly against Bucky’s mouth. 

Bucky squeaked involuntarily at Steve’s words. He was now dealing with his own growing problem at the idea of getting to fool around a little with Steve. “If you’re sure. We can stop at any time.” he promised. It would probably kill him, but if Steve said stop at any point he would be off him in a second. 

“I trust you, Buck.” Steve told him, brushing a strand of hair back behind Bucky’s ear. 

Bucky wanted to melt at the trust Steve had in him. He was too good to be true and Bucky just had to hope it would all work out. Gay or straight or somewhere in between, Steve Rogers was an absolute dream partner. Bucky shifted himself forward a little so the hard length in his pants could rub against the one in Steve’s while they kissed a little more. Bucky let his hips rock a little as they moved, giving them both a little bit of tortuous friction. 

Steve was panting like he’d run a marathon, and he knew this from personal experience when he and Sam had run the New York City Marathon a few years back as publicity for their gym. He’d never thought making out on a sofa would have quite the same effect but life had been full of surprises for him lately. The friction against his dick felt amazing and there was a naughty little zing of arousal knowing it was from Bucky’s erection rubbing against his. He would never have expected to enjoy that so much but there he was, fighting for self control like a horny teenager. He wanted to get Bucky off too and not just selfishly sit back and let Bucky take care of him. Steve was well acquainted with getting himself off and really how different could it be doing it to someone else? He was feeling bold and brash, knowing a hand was just a hand and really he had to start somewhere. “I think I’m ready for more.” he spoke up in between heated kisses. 

Bucky paused, jaw hanging open in shock. “Like, _more_ more?” 

Steve nodded rapidly. “Like second base more?” He held his breath, waiting for Bucky to process what he’d just asked for. 

“God,” Bucky heaved out a breath, “You’re gonna be the death of me. Yes, second base, yes. Get those pants off, Rogers.” He stripped his own shirt off eagerly while Steve just sat there, amused.

“I kinda have this gorgeous guy on my lap at the moment.” he teased.

“Sorry!” Bucky yelped, hopping up so Steve could pull his pants down and off, quickly followed by his tee shirt. He sat in just his boxer briefs on Bucky’s sofa, looking like every Calvin Klien ad fantasy Bucky’d ever had come to life. “Jesus.” he whispered harshly. Bucky couldn’t get his own pants off fast enough, leaving him in his own silky boxers to resume his perch on Steve’s lap. 

Unconfined by pants Bucky got a better feel of Steve’s cock and he was thanking every saint he could think of for what was about to happen. He shifted himself closer to Steve, his thighs spreading wider, and he reached down to give Steve’s cock a tentative squeeze over top the soft cotton of his underwear. 

“Ohh.” Steve gasped out, his body trembling once again. His eyes were glued on Bucky, not wanting to miss a moment. He was so handsome sitting on Steve’s lap. His long hair shining in the afternoon sun that flooded in the glass balcony doors, his lightly tanned skin decorated with a series of finely detailed tattoos. While his muscles weren’t hard and cut like Steve’s, Steve loved the slight softness of the other man’s body, giving him something to sink his fingers into along his sides. It felt nice, and right, and Steve realized in that moment he was more invested in what was about to happen than he had been for most the sexual encounters he’d had with Peggy. It was startling but Steve pushed it down to deal with another day. In the moment, all that mattered was Bucky. 

“Can I?” Bucky asked, trailing his fingers along the waistband of Steve’s boxer briefs. 

“Yeah. Can I?” Steve echoed, tugging at the silky material at Bucky’s hip. 

“If you’re sure.” Bucky prayed silently that having an actual cock in his hand wouldn’t send Steve running for the hills. 

But it didn’t. Steve pulled his underwear off when Bucky hopped up to do the same and he was all nervous excitement when Bucky resumed his perch. He hadn’t thought of what to expect but Steve was blatantly staring at the thick length of Bucky’s dick. It was shorter than his own, but Steve had already known he was considered a bit above average, and it was girthy in a way that made Steve wonder if he topped or bottomed. Because, Steve thought with amusement, these were things he had to consider now. But not right away. They would take things slow and he would see if this was even something he wanted to try. Steve reached out a hand to test the weight of Bucky’s dick in his palm. He slid his hand up and down for two quick strokes, testing how doing that made him feel and was pleasantly surprised that it was a pretty familiar act. The way Bucky hissed out a sharp breath and craned his neck back, eyes shut tight, made Steve’s own dick jump for attention. Oh, this was kind of fun. Steve moved his hand for another few stokes, enjoying the way Bucky’s body reacted so blatantly to the pleasure. It was easy to get him worked up like that and Steve was genuinely enjoying himself watching Bucky become a desperate, needy thing in his lap, thrusting a little into Steve’s fist. 

“God. Fuck. Stevie, slow down.” Bucky pleaded. “I wanna take care of you too, honey. Can I? Please?” 

“Okay.” Steve acquiesced, bracing himself for the pressure of Bucky’s hand around his dick. 

Bucky eagerly wrapped his fist around the hard length of Steve’s cock, sliding it up and down the impressive length until Steve gasped. He leaned forward to kiss Steve from his jaw down his neck to his collarbones while he groped him fervently between their two overheated bodies. For as simple as it was, it was absolutely exquisite. “How you doing, Stevie?” Bucky prompted, wanting to check in to ensure Steve was still on board. He rested his forehead on Steve’s shoulder, waiting patiently for him to respond.

“So good.” Steve managed to moan out. “This is amazing.” 

“Wanna try something even more amazing?” Bucky grinned devilishly. “Just hand stuff, promise.” he added for reassurance.

“What can be better than this?” Steve questioned but motioned for Bucky to go ahead with whatever he had in mind. 

Carefully, Bucky shifted forward one last time, pressing as close to Steve as humanly possible making his over stretched thighs burn in the process. He slipped his hand from Steve’s cock and lined it up with his own, wrapping his fist around them both the best he could. He gave them a quick stroke, reveling in the sensation and waiting to see if Steve would enjoy it too. 

Steve’s whimper was a good sign. “Please.” he begged, “Please, please do that.” 

Bucky picked up the motion again, rhythmically pumping them in his fist. Steve was making little broken _ahh_ sounds, unable to keep up with the pleasure thrumming through his body, and it spurred Bucky on to bring them both racing towards their release. 

Steve could feel the pressure building, his body was on fire and he could barely bite out a warning to Bucky as he felt his orgasm ripping through him. A half formed “I’m g-” was all the warning Bucky got before Steve was spilling all over his hand and cock. Watching Steve come undone, the pure bliss on his face, had Bucky following him over the edge of his own climax seconds later. His body shook hard as he spilled over his hand and across the rippled muscles of Steve’s abs. 

Steve’s cheeks were flushed, his eyes shining, and Bucky mused he probably looked about the same. Steve was so stunning sitting there with a wide, lazy blissed out smile on his face. Bucky giggled a little realizing how incredibly lucky he was. Steve really was just perfection. 

“What?” Steve asked, joining in Bucky’s infectious laughter. 

“You’re perfect.” Bucky admitted, speaking what was on his mind. 

“And you’re beautiful.” Steve leaned up to push Bucky’s hair back where it had fallen forward in his face. He pressed two chaste kisses against his lips before pulling back, feeling a little extra affectionate in his post-orgasmic haze. 

Bucky made a muffled _mmph_ sound, leaning into Steve, just wanting to be close for a moment. “We made quite a mess.” he said finally, the squidgy feeling of their come between their stomachs not exactly a pleasant one. 

“We should clean up.” Steve agreed. 

“Come on, I have some wet wipes in my room.” Bucky lifted himself up off of Steve’s lap, suddenly cold without their skin to skin contact.

Steve noticed his shiver and as soon as he was standing, he pulled Bucky close against him in a warm embrace. 

Bucky basked in the warmth, his brain effectively turning to mush again at how sweet Steve was. “You spoil me.” he whispered against Steve’s firm pecs.

Steve dropped a kiss on top of Bucky’s head, “You deserve to be spoiled.” 

It took every bit of willpower in Bucky to pull back and lead Steve down the hall to clean up. He could have stayed wrapped in Steve’s arms forever, sticky cooling mess on his stomach be damned. They exchanged quick, adorably awkward glances at each other as they cleaned up. Both wanting to get a more detailed look now the heat of the moment had passed. Steve tossed his wipes in the wastebasket by Bucky’s dresser and then pulled Bucky close by his hips, “You really are so beautiful, Buck.” he told him softly.

Bucky had been careful to wall up his heart when he decided to give Steve a chance. He didn’t want to risk another heartbreak less than a year after what he’d been through with Brock. But Steve’s sweet words and affectionate touches had the walls crumbling a little despite Bucky’s best defenses. “Careful.” he teased with a pang of truth to his words, “You’re gonna ruin me for all other men, you keep this up.” 

Steve chuckled and kissed the top of Bucky’s head yet again. There were so many things he wanted to say in that moment. Raw, honest things that ached in his chest. But Steve kept them inside, not willing to let down his guard so completely just yet. He still didn’t really know what he was doing but damned if he wasn’t loving every second of it so far. 

“Come on you, let’s get dressed.” Bucky said finally, tugging Steve’s hand into his and leading him back down the hall.

Steve left shortly after they’d redressed and cleaned up the mess from their lunch. It was a long, drawn out goodbye in the doorway, neither one of them really wanting to part despite knowing they both had to get on with their usual Sunday routines. Steve promised to text Bucky once he’d made it home, insisting he would have no trouble carrying his tote and box on the subway. And then he was off down the hall, looking back just once before he got on the elevator and wishing he could have stayed. Bucky walked over to his glass balcony door, watching the street below as Steve crossed it heading toward the nearest subway station. He was trying not to get too attached but after the day they’d spent together, Bucky knew it was a losing battle.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve frets over his growing interest Bucky and decides to take things to the ~next level~. 
> 
> Content Warning: Some truly fantastic blow jobs. Steve being neurotic about what this means for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I’m really excited so many of you are enjoying this fic so far. I don’t know why, but I just got super invested in these characters from the start even though it’s one of my shorter fics. I was literally screeching to my best friend on daily basis while writing this LOL. So thank you for all the sweet feedback and kuddos. Ya’ll make my day! XOXO - Ash

They fell into a rhythm faster than either one had really expected. They text periodically throughout their days, just silly things they’d found or something about their day they wanted to laugh about or bemoan together. Thanks to Steve being able to adjust his schedule and Bucky working a basic 9-5, they were able to meet up on Friday nights for a date night and typically one other weeknight when they were both free. Sundays became their farmers market day, when they could wander around the busy market in the warm summer sun and drink entirely too many iced coffees. Despite the routine, labels were never used or brought up. Neither man quite sure how to define what they were doing. They were happy with their little routine, neither of them looking to shake things up, but there had been a few times where after weeks of second base, they both wondered when it might be time for more. Steve was terrified of finding his limit and wasn’t willing to risk what they had. Bucky was terrified of pushing Steve too fast and had bitten his tongue a few times when in the heat of the moment he had almost begged to taste Steve’s cock.

It had been over a month of swapping hand jobs and what Steve had learned was called frottage, thank you Google. Steve figured if he didn’t try to mix things up soon he’d never really know where his limit lied. And with how quickly his feelings for Bucky were developing he needed to start figuring things out fast. He was going to be in a world of pain if and when he reached the limit of what he was sexually interested in. Steve had been in rough shape when Peggy left him but the idea of leaving Bucky seemed a thousand times worse already.

Steve finally gathered the nerve to turn on his privacy mode search and look up tips on blow jobs. What he got was a horrific amount of bad porn and women's magazine articles. Most were absolute trash but he did find a few good tips. Though in the end, Steve figured he’d just have to assume what felt good being done to him would most likely feel good for Bucky. As long as he didn’t puke the second it was in his mouth, he was going to consider whatever happened progress. The idea didn’t seem too terrible in theory but Steve’s nerves were still running wild. 

They were curled up on Steve’s sofa, Bucky tracing the lines of Steve’s muscles along his chest and stomach. The movie had ended a few minutes before but neither man was willing to move just yet. Steve took a breath and decided it was do or die time. Bucky deserved someone who wasn’t trapped on second base forever. “Hey, Buck.” Steve said quietly, waiting for Bucky to look up at him, “Would it be okay if I sucked your dick? I think I could.” 

Bucky took a moment to replay Steve’s words in his head. Nope, still sounded the same. What in the actual fuck?! “Steve, honey, you don’t have to do that if you’re not ready.” Bucky assured him, “I’m so happy with you, with _us_. Don’t feel like you have to do this unless you really want to.” 

Steve sighed, half tempted to take the way out Bucky had offered him. “No, I want to. I do. I just… I’m worried. What happens if I don’t like doing it? If I _can’t_ do it.”

“Then you can’t, Stevie. It’s not the end of the world. It’s not like I’d ever expect it from you. Hell, my ex probably only did it twice in the year we were together.” 

“What?” that caught Steve’s attention, “Why?” 

Bucky huffed a laugh, “Not all gay guys enjoy sucking cock. And Brock was an asshole, so who knows the real reason. I don’t really believe what he used to say. He, uh, he said a lot of things just to be hurtful.”

“I’m sorry, baby.” Steve kissed Bucky softly, wondering how bad his ex really was. He never really talked about it and Steve worried it was worse than Bucky let on. “I do want to try it with you though. You don’t have to reciprocate or anything, I just need to know if I can do this. For me. I’m still trying to figure things out and I need to know.” 

“Okay, we can try. And for the record,” he added with a smirk, “I love giving head.” 

The sound Steve made at Bucky’s declaration was barely more than a high pitched whine and Bucky cackled like Satan himself with delight. 

“Come here you.” Steve cajoled him, pulling Bucky close to resume their kisses. Steve waited until Bucky was making the soft little moans he’d come to know so well. The sign that he was getting impatient and needy for Steve to get him off. Steve loved how easy it was to bring him to that point. Steve pulled back, giving Bucky’s still clothed dick a squeeze before he slipped down onto the floor between Bucky’s legs. Resting on his knees, he helped Bucky get his pants and underwear off, another pair of those silky boxers Bucky seemed to favor that made Steve want to rut up against the silky material like a madman. They had done that once a few weeks earlier. Steve had been completely naked and Bucky in only his silky boxers, they had rutted against one another through the fabric until both their orgasms had snuck up on them before they could help themselves. It had been a little embarrassing but mostly wonderful. 

Steve teased Bucky’s shaft a little, trying to work up his courage now that he was down there. Bucky’s hair was blessedly well trimmed and Steve realized he probably should have afforded the same courtesy for Bucky. He made a mental note to take care of that before the next time. If there would be a next time. A small bead of precome formed on the tip and Steve jumped on the opportunity. Leaning forward Steve lapped at the drip of liquid, waiting to see if he could get past the taste. He’d never minded going down on women but he worried a man would be just too different. To his surprise, it wasn’t awful. Not exactly something he would crave, but the bitter tang on his tongue was manageable. Encouraged, Steve braced his palms on Bucky’s hips and tentatively lowered his mouth around Bucky’s dick.

Bucky wanted to weep at the sight of Steve licking the little bead of precome off the tip of his cock. His beautiful blonde adonis settled so easily between his legs was a sight to behold. When Steve took the head into his mouth Bucky fought to stay still, letting Steve take his time and figure things out. Though much to his delight Steve figured it out pretty quickly. He barely got half the way down Bucky’s shaft with the first few eager bobs of his head but it was enough to have Bucky trembling beneath him. Steve looked up through his impossibly long lashes and Bucky about lost it. He threaded his fingers through Steve’s thick blonde hair, giving him a soft smile of adoration. Steve resumed his tentative sucking, testing how far down he could go comfortably, too afraid of gagging himself and ruining the moment. The more he bobbed the more confident he grew, carefully hollowing his cheeks to increase the suction around Bucky’s dick. He started lapping his tongue along the underside too, reveling in the way Bucky completely lost his composure when he did that. 

There was something powerful being able to bring Bucky to a babbling mess with a few swipes of his tongue. Giving head was nothing like Steve had feared it would be. It was better than he could have expected and he found that the things he’d always loved about going down on a woman, he loved about going down on Bucky. The trembling thighs bracketing his head, the deep earthy scent of being at someone’s core, the trust it took for someone to let him do this, even the way curly short hairs tickled his nose when he pressed in deep. Steve felt himself getting worked up as he continued and he reached down for a moment to push his growing erection down with the heel of his hand. He wondered briefly if maybe next time he could multitask enough to get himself off while going down on Bucky. Because there was damn well going to be a next time at this rate.

Bucky knew he wasn’t going to last as long as he’d wanted to as soon as Steve started experimenting with his tongue. He wanted to give Steve as much warning as he could but all that he could come up with was filthy praise. “God, Stevie,” he panted out, half delirious, “That’s so good, honey. God just like that, yeah. Oh _god_ you’re so good at that. Driving me wild, honey.” 

Steve made a muffled happy noise at the praise and the vibrations in his throat went straight to Bucky’s dick. He keened, trying to hold back his eminent release. “Stevie.” he pleaded, “Stevie wait. I’m gonna. Shit honey, I can’t… I’m gonna.” 

Steve was undeterred knowing what was, quite literally, coming next. He took Bucky in as deep as he could, figuring that would be easiest, and gave one last burst of intense suction until Bucky was coming down his throat, hot and fast. It was startling but after he got past the initial shock it was over before he could really mind. Steve pulled back once Bucky finished, settling back to sit on his heels with a smug grin on his face. Bucky, on the other hand, looked positively wrecked. 

“Jesus God, honey.” Bucky finally rasped out in disbelief. “That was…” he shook his head, “That was perfection.” 

“I did okay?” Steve forced himself to ask, needing to ensure he really had done an at least passable job. He was still a little breathless, his dick half chubbed in his pants and growing as he took in Bucky’s post orgasmic glow. 

“Better than okay. You were amazing.” Bucky reached out and took both of Steve’s hands in his, needing to ensure he was alright. “Are you okay though? Really? That wasn’t too much or anything? You really didn’t have to swallow.” 

“It was fine,” Steve answered truthfully, “I loved seeing you so blissed out like that, knowing I was the one making you feel that way. And swallowing was over before I could really process it, so no big deal.” 

“You are one in a fucking million, Steve Rogers.” Bucky shifted forward so he could kiss his man, so overwhelmed with affection for him. He pulled him up after a few heated kisses, wanting to feel those solid muscles crowding him in. Bucky raised an eyebrow as Steve leaned himself up and onto Bucky. “Um,” he tried not to chuckle, “It seems like someone really did enjoy himself.”

Steve blushed lightly, hiding his face in the curve of Bucky’s neck, “Mhm. I, uh, I enjoyed it quite a bit.” 

At that Bucky did let out a short cackle, raining kisses down on Steve’s blushing face, “You’re a fucking gem. God, I…” Bucky cut himself off with a sharp cough. “A real fucking gem, honey.” He added somewhat lamely.

Steve was oblivious to Bucky’s misstep, practically preening under the affection and praise, still teetering on the edge of full arousal. He would have been more than happy to continue skirting that edge, Bucky’s hand rubbing against him lightly while they necked like teenagers. But Bucky was not going to pass up the opportunity to get Steve’s cock in his mouth at last. He wasn’t exaggerating when he’d bragged he loved sucking cock. He truly did. Every part of it, too. And because of his enthusiasm he’d had plenty of practice over the years. Bucky was thankful for that practice, too, because even after the newness of Steve had started to wear off, he was still convinced Steve had the absolute most beautiful cock he’d ever seen. It was like going from the minors to the big leagues, he mused happily.

“Hey, honey.” he crooned in between kisses, “Can I return the favor?”

“Hm?” Steve murmured, confused.

“I’ve been dying to get your cock in my mouth for weeks. Please? Let me return the favor?” 

Steve’s choked off moan was answer enough but he forced out his words, “Yeah. God, yeah, Buck. But only if you want to.” 

“Oh I want to. Believe me. I’d have to be crazy not to want you.” 

Steve huffed a light laugh as Bucky drug the waistband of his pants and boxer briefs down, moving himself down the length of Steve’s body in the process. He was fully hard and the head slapped against the hard V shaped plane of his lower stomach, leaving a trail of precome where it landed. 

Bucky had his mouth around the head of Steve’s cock seconds after tossing his clothes to the side. He wasn’t about to waste any time and he wanted to make sure this was a blow job Steve would never forget. He pulled out all his best tricks, alternating suction and speed, letting his hands knead at Steve’s balls while his mouth deep throated him like a champ, even running his nails along Steve’s inner thighs while dragging just the slightest hint of bottom teeth along the underside of his cock. Steve was barely coherent after the last one and Bucky wondered if anyone had ever played with Steve’s ass before. His whole body shook fiercely when Bucky’s hands would glance over his taint and brush over the curve of his ass right behind it. Bucky was tempted, so tempted, and while he was still worried about freaking Steve out, if he played his cards right Steve was in for one hell of a treat.

Bucky started his exploration slow, keeping his mouth busy with a steady holding pattern of torture. Enough that Steve was still making those gorgeous little noises in the back of his throat, but not enough that he was in danger of coming. It gave him enough time to sneak his index finger along Steve’s taint and then slip between his ass cheeks for a quick flick.

Steve’s whole body jerked when the pad of Bucky’s finger ghosted over his surprisingly sensitive hole. It was unexpected but felt too good for him to object. Steve knew if he spoke up Bucky would stop, but in the heat of the moment he wanted to ride it out to see where things went. He trusted Bucky wouldn’t push him too hard too fast, so he just focused on trying to stay in his seat and not choking the poor beautiful man between his legs with an unintended thrust. 

Bucky wanted to cheer at Steve’s reaction and it emboldened him to keep exploring. He let the tip of his finger flutter against Steve’s hole as he continued to suck his shaft down as deep as he comfortably could. He cupped Steve’s balls with his other hand, adding that sensation to the mix as well with stellar results. 

“Shit,” Steve keened, “Buck, baby, _shitshitshit_. I’m gonna…”

Bucky just nodded as he bobbed his head, fully aware of where Steve was at and what he needed to do to take him over the edge. Pressing firmly with the tip of his finger he pushed ever so slightly into Steve’s hole, not enough to breach that tight ring of muscle inside but enough to be felt. Steve was writhing and then Bucky wiggled his finger, just gently, while hollowing out his cheeks and giving Steve’s balls a squeeze. 

Steve shattered. 

It was too much all at once and he came with a broken sob as his body shook almost violently. He had no control over his limbs or his voice as great sobbing moans broke free from his chest. His body trembled even after his orgasm began to fade and Bucky clamored up onto the sofa next to him. Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve from the side, tugging him close and holding on to him tightly. It took a long minute for Steve to compose himself and for the world to really come back into to focus for him. But when he finally did, it was to Bucky holding him, rubbing soothing circles on his back with one hand, and whispering sweet nonsense in his ear. Steve couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so protected and cherished. Tears prickled at his eyes and he didn’t dare speak until he was certain he could trust his voice. 

Bucky noticed as Steve became more aware of himself, but he pretended to ignore the little tears that welled in the corners of the other man’s eyes. Steve sniffed harshly, letting out a long woosh of a breath. “That was….” he trailed off, at a loss for adequate words.

Bucky grinned and pressed a kiss to Steve’s cheek, cuddling in a little. “Told ya I love giving head.” 

“You’re like the fucking king of it. My knees are still all tingly.” 

“Aww, honey. It wasn’t too much, was it? I know we didn’t talk about ass play yet but I figured a little tease wouldn’t hurt.” 

“I’m glad we didn’t.” Steve admitted quietly, “I probably would have psyched myself out of it. And it was… okay? Good?” 

“Thank you, for trusting me like that. We should talk about it, though. Figure out what you’re willing to try, and go at a pace you’re comfortable with. It can be so good, honey, you got no idea.” 

“Oh, I got a little bit of an idea.” Steve laughed. 

Bucky chuckled with him, “Yeah, I guess you did. I won’t rush you though, promise. We can take as long as you need.” 

“I don’t-” Steve started and stopped with a frown, “I don’t know how long that’ll be, Buck. I’m sorry. I want to be better for you but I’m still a little scared.” 

Bucky’s heart was bursting at Steve’s admission. “I know, and it’s okay. We’ll go at your pace. And I’m not asking you to bottom for me. I prefer that myself, actually.” 

Steve groaned a little imagining Bucky coming apart underneath him while he fucked the smaller man into the mattress. He was getting ahead of himself but it was a damn nice image. “We’ll get there.” Steve promised to him, as much as to himself. 

They stayed curled up for a little longer until the air conditioning proved too strong and they both pulled their pants back up over goosebumped legs. Bucky begged off after that, to both of their disappointments. It was late and reasonably they both needed sleep but still, Bucky knew it wouldn’t be long until one of them cracked and they started spending the night together. 

Steve looked around his apartment after Bucky headed out, painfully aware of how empty and silent it was. Part of him wished he’d asked Bucky to stay. Not that he could have, he didn’t have overnight stuff with him, but Steve hated going to bed alone after such a nice evening. That had been the hardest part of adapting to life post-Peggy, sleeping alone again. She had never been much of a cuddler, much to Steve’s disappointment, but she at least warmed the other side of his too big bed. 

As Steve curled up in still too big bed, he worried that things with Bucky were all going to be over in a blink. That things were destined to become just a distant memory of the time Steve had tried something different for a while. His heart ached thinking about it. But what was the alternative? He and Bucky actually made it work? He would come out as gay? Bi? To all his friends and coworkers? Explain that no he hadn’t lost his mind, it really just took him thirty years of life to realize he liked men. Would he and Bucky slowly merge their things until they were practically living together? Would his early class day alarm drive Bucky crazy three days a week? Would he bring flowers home after exasperating Bucky over something silly like forgetting to fold his clothes or leaving dishes in the sink? Would Bucky save him a warm plate of dinner on the nights he had to work late? Steve’s mind swam with possibilities he’d never really let himself consider before. He knew it was foolish to dream, that this was a nice fantasy but he’d soon have to get back to real life, as much as it pained him. Still, despite the warnings he gave himself, Steve drifted off to sleep with the dreams of early morning cuddles and quiet late night conversations in his mind.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve & Bucky spend a long weekend together, finally breaking down the last of Steve’s inhibitions. Despite their perfect weekend though, Steve makes a disastrous mistake.
> 
> Content Warning: Some really great sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Only one chapter left after this, can you believe it? This was a shortie fic but I’m so glad ya’ll are enjoying it. This chapter is a little bit of a Shakespearean setup; starts in joy ends in sadness, but don’t worry because we still have chapter six coming out tomorrow! XOXO - Ash

“I know that smile, Barnes.” Nat teased, “You can’t tell me you’re not fucking yet.” 

“We’re not!” Bucky cried defensively. Though really, it had been months of fooling around and even Bucky was surprised they hadn’t quite worked up to that next step yet. 

Nat leaned over to peer at Bucky’s phone which he quickly flipped down on the table, hiding his latest texts with Steve. “You looove him.” she drawled out. 

“I do not!” 

Nat leveled him with a flat, unimpressed, stare and Bucky’s cheeks flushed brilliantly.

“Okay, maybe I do. Just a little. But god, can you blame me? You’ve seen him, he’s perfect.” Bucky sighed shameless. 

Nat just shrugged. “He’s good looking if you’re into that sort of thing. But has he said anything else yet? I’m assuming he’s figured out he’s into guys by now.” 

“I think you have to be blind not to be into that sort of thing.” 

“Seriously, though. Are you guys… dating? Or what?”

“We don’t have to label it, Nat. We’re not teenagers. We’re enjoying being together and it’s pretty great right now.” 

“I just don’t want you getting hurt, Bucky-bear.” Nat gave him an affectionate shove, which was the Natasha Romanoff equivalent of a hug. 

“I know, ladybug.” he ignored her glare for using the childhood nickname Becca had given her. “I’ll be okay, promise.” 

Nat leveled him another look but let the subject drop. Bucky deserved to be happy and she wasn’t going to be the one to ruin that. 

“Guess what I did.” Steve said, voice full of excitement. He had FaceTimed Bucky as soon as he’d gotten home from work. He was still a little sweaty after his own workout and the late summer heat but to Bucky he looked down right edible. 

“You’ve been accepted for America’s Top Model?!” Bucky teased. 

“Your dream, baby, not mine.” he sat the phone down on his bed to peel off his damp compression shirt. He figured he might as well give his guy a little show while he was at.

“If only I was a foot taller and twenty pounds lighter.” 

“Nuh uh, no way. I like you just the way you are.” Steve knew he was being sappy but he was excited and didn’t really give a damn. 

Bucky rolled his eyes but he was smiling. “Sweet talker. So, what did you do?” 

“I gave my Friday shift away to Pietro.” 

“Why? Do you have to go in on Saturday now?” 

“No…” Steve waited a beat for Bucky to catch on but then rushed ahead anyway “I just gave it up. So now I’m off Friday. Saturday. And Sunday.” 

“Oh.” Bucky finally realized why Steve was so excited. “Three day weekend. With no plans.”

“I figured since you had already taken off tomorrow for that convention that was cancelled, we could just spend a weekend in. Together.” 

“Are you asking me to spend the weekend with you, honey?” 

“I am. You could come over sometime tomorrow and then we’ll have three days all to ourselves.” 

“That sounds amazing. What can I bring?” 

“You and enough stuff that you can stay all weekend.” 

“That’s an awful tall order but I think I can manage.” Bucky smirked, delighted that they were finally going to spend the night together. “What time do you want me?”

“I’m going to run down to that nice Italian market in the morning when they open to get a few things but then I’ll be home after that.” 

“Okay, I’ll take my time getting ready and I’ll text you before I head over.” 

“So I’ll see you sometime around dinner?” 

“Ha. Ha. Very funny. You should be thankful I put in so much effort. I am a snack, Steve Rogers, and don’t you forget it.” 

Steve bit his lip, pouting it just a little in the way he knew drove Bucky up a wall. “I do, baby. Trust me, I do. But you’re so beautiful. You could roll right out of bed and still be the most gorgeous guy in the city.” 

Bucky blushed furiously, ducking his head to hide behind his hair a little. “And you’re a fucking charmer. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Can’t wait.” Steve said, and genuinely meant it. He’d be planning it since Bucky told him on Tuesday that his plans had fallen through for the data security convention he had taken off work to go to. He wasn’t willing to give back the paid time off but had been complaining to Steve about “wasting” the day. Pietro had been asking for more shifts lately and the younger man eagerly accepted Steve’s Friday morning shift when he offered it. Steve figured it was a win-win-win. Happy employee. Happy Bucky. And happy him for having his first three day weekend off in well over a year. 

Steve was thankful Bucky wouldn’t be over until later when he woke a little after ten the next morning. He rarely slept so late but he’d had a fit of nervous energy after Bucky had agreed to spend the weekend with him. Steve had ended up staying up late into the night deep cleaning his small apartment. Everything had to be perfect. Not that Bucky hadn’t been over several times before, but this time it was to sleep over and stay. Steve couldn’t wait to get Bucky into his bed and be able to wake up to him. He’d seen Bucky sleepy and dozing a few times after their movie nights ran late and it was the most precious thing in the world. Steve couldn’t even imagine how soft and sweet he must look waking up in the morning. And then there was the other perk of having Bucky in his bed, the one that had him buying three different types of lubes and a value pack box of condoms. 

Steve was easily as nervous about having sex with Bucky as he’d been when he’d lost his virginity. And in a way, it was kind of the same thing. He had a general idea of what having sex with Bucky would entail, but he had no real world experience yet. Steve hoped he wouldn’t make a mess of things. He wanted Bucky to enjoy himself, but he figured if it turned out this was something he couldn’t do then he’d just have to find another way to get Bucky off. And accept that he wasn’t meant to be with a man. And then Bucky would leave him. It was pretty hard to stop that anxiety spiral when it started up but Steve reminded himself things had gone well so far and he had no reason to think this wouldn’t be the same way.

By the time he’d done the shopping and had pot of bolognese sauce cooking away on the back burner, Steve was a nervous wreck. Everything was spotless and the sauce just needed to simmer for about six hours, there was nothing to do but wait and try not to let his fears consume him. 

Thankfully for Steve, Bucky arrived barely half an hour later, a huge roller suitcase in tow. It was bright orange and had several colorful patches on the front giving it a garishly eclectic look that was somehow perfectly Bucky in its own charming way. Steve cursed himself mentally, he was so gone for this man. He was doomed.

Steve showed Bucky down to his bedroom where he could stow his suitcase and instead of heading back down the hall, Bucky laid down on Steve’s bed and flopped around playfully. 

“I like this bed.” Bucky commented as he flopped.

“Good thing, you’re gonna be sleeping in it for the next two nights.” Steve told him with a grin, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I know, I can’t wait. But I’m not sure how much _sleeping_ will actually be done.” 

Steve blushed brightly at the lewd eyebrow waggle Bucky gave him. He reminded himself to breathe. It would all be fine. It had to be. 

“Steve?” Bucky noticed Steve’s discomfort and was immediately concerned. “Stevie, hey. It’s okay. I was just teasing. You know we don’t have to do anything unless you want to, right? I’m here because I want to spend time with you, not just so we can fuck.” 

“I know. I just…” Steve sighed heavily, “I want it to be perfect, ya know?” 

“Oh, honey, how could it not be?” Bucky pulled Steve down to lay next to him, and wiggled his way close so he could capture Steve’s lips with his for a few gentle, reassuring kisses. “We’ll go at your pace. And whatever happens, it’s gonna be a great weekend because we got nothin’ but three days of you and me.” 

Steve smiled against Bucky’s lips as he leaned in for another kiss. After all the worrying he’d done, Bucky had erased all those fears in just a few minutes. Steve was so thankful for that relief, he really did believe it was going to be okay. And he had a beautiful man in his bed that was far more important than worrying about _what if_ ’s. 

Bucky logged into his digital movie account from Steve’s xBox and the afternoon was lost to a marathon of terribly wonderful eighties teen movies after that. They paused briefly for the incredible dinner Steve had prepared, Bucky raving the whole time about how good of a cook Steve was and how he couldn’t believe he didn’t know that before. Steve preened a little under the praise, glad he could impress Bucky with his favorite dinner recipe. They stayed curled up together on Steve’s couch long into the night. Sometime after dinner they had moved on to a puzzle game Steve had talked Bucky into playing and before they knew it they were only halfway through and utterly exhausted. 

“I’m sorry.” Bucky apologized after yawning for a third time in a row. “I didn’t realize how late it was.” 

“It’s okay. Not like you have to go far to get in bed.” Steve motioned down the hall with a smile. 

“Lucky me. But I’m so tired, don’t know if I’ll make it.” 

“Well then, I’d better help you with that” Steve stood up from the sofa and moved so he was standing in between Bucky’s legs. He leaned forward, kissing Bucky a little, while he stealthily slid his hands underneath Bucky’s thighs. Once he had his hands where he needed them, Steve lifted up and leaned back, pulling Bucky up with him. 

Bucky let out a squeak of panic as he went airborne. He wrapped his arms around Steve’s neck and clamped his thighs around Steve’s trim waist out of panic, but Steve just chuckled. “I gotcha, baby.” he assured the smaller man. Bucky buried his face in Steve’s neck, completely flustered by Steve literally carrying him off to bed. It made him wonder what else Steve was strong enough to do and that brought to mind all sorts of delicious possibilities. 

As strong as Steve was, he settled Bucky down on the bed like he was made of glass. Bucky still needed to get up to change out his clothes and wash his face, but the thought was sweet. Steve watched as Bucky took time to do his skin care routine and both brushed and flossed. Feeling a little like a schlub, Steve joined him to at least brush his teeth. He liked how they moved around one another getting ready for bed. It wasn’t what he’d expected, a passionate tangle in the sheets, but it was quiet and domestic in a way that warmed Steve’s heart more than he could say. 

Bucky slid his silky boxers down a moment before he dove under the soft covers on Steve’s bed. He wasn’t insecure, Steve had seen him naked before and said he loved Bucky’s body, but being bare in front of him in a nonsexual context just felt like _more_ for some reason. Steve, the completely ridiculous man that he was, had no such hesitation and walked around completely naked as he got ready for bed, giving Bucky quite a view. “I swear, if I wasn’t so exhausted I would be tackling your fine ass right about now.” Bucky grumbled from the bed. 

Steve shot him a cocky grin, taking in the beautiful sight of Bucky in his bed before switching off the light. “You like what you see, huh?” Steve teased as he joined Bucky in bed.

“Damn right. And tomorrow, when I’ve had my requisite eight hours of sleep, I’m gonna show you exactly how much.”

“Aww. Need your beauty sleep, huh, beautiful?” 

“If you want me to keep looking like this and not like an extra on The Walking Dead, then yes.” 

Steve laughed and rolled closer to Bucky so they could sleep next to each other but not quite touching. Bucky was the one who made the next move, inching even closer so they could entwine legs and arms, holding each other close. 

“Sorry, I’m a cuddler. You’ll adjust.” Bucky quipped.

Steve felt like he’d won the lottery. “So am I, I was just trying to be polite. I’ve been told I’m a little over enthusiastic with cuddling.” 

“Whoever said that was insane. This is perfection.” Bucky tucked himself against Steve like he’d always belonged there and in the quiet darkness they both drifted off before they even realized it.

xxXxx

The next morning Steve woke up to the sight he had been daydreaming of. The light was spilling in his bedroom window, filling the room with a soft golden glow. It was early yet and Bucky was still asleep, his hair fanned out messily on the pillow. He was still tangled up with Steve, both of them sweaty from sleep and it was hard to tell where one stopped and the other began. His face was so peaceful that Steve itched to draw him. It had been years since the last time he’d really wanted to pick up his sketch pad and the impulse surprised him. Not willing to disrupt the sleeping man, Steve just admired him quietly, mentally filing away all the details to sketch later. 

Eventually Steve grabbed his phone from his nightstand charging dock, checking his emails and reading the news to keep himself occupied while Bucky dozed. It wasn’t long until Bucky stirred, wiggling a little and making soft _mmph_ sounds as he gradually came awake. It was endearing and Steve couldn’t help the smile on his face when Bucky’s eyes finally opened and caught him staring. 

“Morning.” Bucky mumbled, his voice gravelly from sleep.

Steve couldn’t wait another second to kiss the sleep mussed brunette. Morning breath be damned, he leaned in and captured Bucky’s lips for a few sweet kisses. “Morning.” he finally replied as he leaned back.

Bucky scooted closer, following Steve’s retreat so that he could nuzzle sleepily against Steve’s bare chest. “Like a fucking brick wall. Jesus, Steve.”

Steve huffed a laugh, “Sorry. Occupational hazard.” 

“Don’t be sorry. You’re a comfy brick wall.” Bucky pressed a kiss against Steve’s unbelievably broad pectoral and then resumed his snuggling. 

“We aim to please.” Steve joked, running a hand through Bucky’s hair and down his back. “I think I’m making out better though.” he dropped a kiss on the top of Bucky’s head affectionately, “You’re a dream, Buck. No seriously.” he added when Bucky snorted his disbelief, “Your body is all strong lines with this softness I just can’t get enough of. And you’re fucking brilliant, and kind, and funny, and you always know just what to say and-”

“Shut up.” Bucky was blushing furiously, tears of emotion threatening in the corners of his eyes. He had never felt more loved and cherished in all his life. “Just. Just shut up and kiss me.”

Steve didn’t have to be told twice. He tangled a hand in Bucky’s hair and pulled him up to capture his lips with his own. 

Bucky showered fervent kisses along Steve’s jawline and down the column of his throat. He was making soft, needy, little noises in the back of his throat, unable to get _enough_. Bucky’s hand wandered as his mouth explored, running down the solid muscles of Steve’s back. He wasn’t going to rush but damned if he wasn’t ready and willing. There couldn’t be a more perfect moment. 

Steve’s thoughts were along the same lines as he poured all the emotion he couldn’t quite name yet into his kiss. He had wanted the timing to perfect when he had sex with Bucky for the first time and he couldn’t have imagined a more perfect moment. He knew whatever was about to happen wasn’t just going to be a mad dash fucking, it was going to be making love. As cliche and old fashioned as that was, it was exactly what he wanted out of his first time with him. And, Steve thought happily, it was exactly what someone as special as Bucky deserved.

Hands continued to wander and eventually erections were straining, pressing firmly against one anothers. Steve rutted gently against Bucky’s hip, desperate for some type of friction and pressure to ease the ache building inside him. “Buck.” he panted, “I need you.” 

Bucky let out a quiet whine at his words. “You sure, honey?” He looked up, searching Steve’s face for any sign of hesitation and finding none. 

Steve nodded, “I’m ready. I need you.” 

“God, honey, I need you too.” 

“I got supplies.” Steve told him solicitously, shifting back so he could reach into his nightstand drawer for the condoms and lube. He splayed out the three different bottles and the box of condoms.

“I see that.” Bucky bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. Leave it to Steve to go completely overboard when he was uncertain. 

“I didn’t know what kind would be best so I got everything.” 

Bucky grabbed the purple capped bottle of Astroglide, “This one’s good.” 

Steve stashed the other two bottles back in the drawer while Bucky ripped a condom off the string inside the box and handed Steve the box to put back as well. Steve was getting nervous again but as soon as Bucky plastered himself back against Steve he was too worked up to care. 

“I can prep myself if you want.” Bucky offered, “I know you haven’t had to do _that_ before.” 

“I wanna take care of you, Buck.” and damned if that didn’t completely melt Bucky’s heart. Steve looked so earnest and affectionate Bucky wanted to die on the spot. “If I do something wrong, just tell me.” 

“Okay.” Bucky couldn’t deny him this, even if Steve turned out to be terrible and he needed to coach him through the whole damn thing. God, he was too perfect to be real. “Go ahead and slick up your fingers then.” Bucky shifted on to his back, letting his hips fall open while Steve clicked the bottle of lube open and coated his first two fingers generously. 

Steve leaned over Bucky, resting his weight on his other hand while keeping his slicked up fingers out of the way while he trailed sporadic kisses from Bucky’s mouth down to his dick, which he wrapped his lips for just a few swallows before continuing on to sprinkle kisses on the soft skin of Bucky’s inner thighs. Steve slipped his fingers between Bucky’s cheeks, lubing up the tightly furled muscle hiding in between. Worried about how much he needed, Steve grabbed the bottle and squirted a little more on his index finger before he pressed gently at Bucky’s hole. He was a little surprised by the tightness he found as he dipped his index finger in and out, thrusting shallowly. Bucky was fighting for composure, breathy _ahh_ ’s slipping out every so often as he struggled to stay still. 

“Do it.” Bucky hissed out after a few seconds too many of Steve’s teasing.

“Okay, baby, okay.” Steve cooed before sliding his finger inside Bucky. 

Bucky let out a sound that was part gasp, part sigh, thankful and aroused all at once. Steve’s dick was painfully hard, worked up from Bucky’s reactions and the intense pressure around his finger that would be, hopefully soon, around his dick. Steve moved his finger around tentatively, stroking in and out, letting Bucky get used to the feel of it. 

“Another.” Bucky demanded after a few moments.

Steve nodded, not quite able to form words past the arousal choking his vocal cords. He pulled his index finger out and added a second finger next to, sliding both back in against the crushing pressure from the ring of muscles inside Bucky. After a few seconds Steve started thrusting the two like he had done with the one, though this time he purposefully stroked in a come hither motion, hoping he was doing it correctly. Based on the gasps and moans Bucky was making, Steve figured he was doing something right. 

“One more.” Bucky gasped out after another minute. Steve’s eyes widened, unsure. “I need it if I’m gonna take you, honey.” 

Steve nodded, figuring Bucky would know better than him on what he needed. Steve impulsively squirted another generous blob onto his fingers before slipping three back inside Bucky who’s dick actually jumped against his stomach at the intrusion. Steve picked up his rhythm again, watching in awe as Bucky panted and fought to hold off his orgasm. He loved watching Bucky get close, but being able to feel his body shiver and pulse around his fingers was even better. 

“I’m ready, honey. You did so good. You still okay?” Bucky was drunk with lust but needed to check in one just one more time.

Steve couldn’t tell if his huffed breath wanted to be a laugh or a cry, he was more turned on than he’d ever been before and he was pretty sure he could drill diamonds with his dick at that point. He’d never been more ready. Steve forced himself to nod, acknowledging Bucky’s question. “I’m ready, baby.” 

“Then get up here.” Bucky smirked. 

Steve wiped his still slick hand on his sheets, not giving a damn about laundry. He slid the condom on and then slicked himself up heavily. Was it too much? Probably. Did he care? Nope. There was no chance he was risking hurting Bucky. 

Bucky watched, mesmerized as Steve got into position above him and lined himself up. With a gentle thrust the blunt head of Steve’s cock pushed in past the tight ring of muscles and he paused, giving Bucky a moment to adjust. Bucky reached up, caressing Steve’s face lovingly, before gripping the blonde’s stupidly tiny waist and snapping his hips up forcing the full length of Steve’s shaft inside.

Steve let out a choked off groan, fisting his hands in the sheets. His body was on fire. He couldn’t breathe. Bucky was so tight around his dick and looking so beautiful beneath him. Steve whimpered, he was gonna die. 

“Ya gotta move, honey.” Bucky coaxed him, wriggling his hips a little.

The friction served to both short out his brain and bring it back online. Getting back on board, Steve started moving carefully, rolling his hips a little making sure Bucky was okay before really getting his rhythm going. 

Bucky couldn’t believe how ridiculously perfect Steve looked fucking into him like he was some fragile thing that deserved to be cherished. Every roll of Steve’s hips made his abs ripple and the muscles in his chest, shoulders, and arms were bulging from strain as well. He was a golden god and he was straight up making love to Bucky. It was too much, the incredible stretch and the drag against his prostate on top of the gorgeous view. Bucky was shaking, fighting so desperately to just hold off a little longer. He knew he could come untouched but it had been years since it happened. He could feel the tightening, his body constricting, coiling; he was on fire, his body a live wire. And then it all snapped. Bucky all but _screamed_ as his orgasm shot through him. It was so intense it bordered on painful and it had his whole body trembling uncontrollably.

Steve had thought getting Bucky off was a beautiful sight before, but watching him come untouched just from Steve’s dick was transcendent. Steve knew he was doomed the second Bucky’s orgasm started, the tight muscles clenching down on him over and over while Bucky came in hot jets across his chest and stomach. He had no control over the sloppy frantic jerks his hips made as Bucky’s body kept his dick trapped inside while it pulsed around him. The climax Steve had been fending off long enough ricocheted through his body, so intense he could barely cry out, just a high keening sob choking out of his throat. His muscles locked him in place thankfully, positioned over Bucky and not crushing him. As soon as his peak ebbed though, he was slipping out and rolling off Bucky, his muscles practically jelly. 

Steve was breathing hard, a hand against his chest feeling the rapid rise and fall of it. His dazed expression had Bucky smirking, pleased that Steve seemed to enjoy himself so much after how nervous he’d been the day before. For a first timer, Steve had been incredible. Attentive and intuitively trying to make sure Bucky felt good too. Nothing like his selfish ex, Bucky thought bitterly. 

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, chewing on his bottom lip. It was an adorable nervous habit he’d picked up but Bucky tapped a finger against Steve’s lip so he’d release it. There was no need for him to be nervous.

“I’m better than okay. I just had my brains fucked out by the most perfect man I’ve ever met.” 

Steve’s already blushing cheeks seared crimson from Bucky’s praise. “That _was_ pretty great.” he agreed shyly. 

“Damn straight it was. And,” Bucky couldn’t help being a little coy, “We have two whole days to do it as many times as we want.” 

Steve groaned, “We’re never leaving this bed.” 

And they didn’t. Well, at least not for long. Saturday was lost to lazing around Steve’s apartment in between rounds of blazingly hot sex. They even took snacks back with them to Steve’s bed, too exhausted for a real lunch but starving from all the exertion. They fed each other bites of roast chicken and grapes and tiny pieces of buttered bread. It was heaven, their own bucolic little bubble and neither man ever wanted to leave.

xxXxx

“Sundays are meant for brunch, Steve.” Bucky complained without heat. 

“Brunch requires nice clothes.” Steve grumbled.

“How about this, you take me to brunch at Lily’s and then we hit the farmers market. Pick up some of that stupid small batch coffee you like.” 

“It’s barrel aged, Buck. There’s nothing like it.” 

“So we’re going?” Bucky looked as adorably hopeful as he could manage.

It worked.

“Yeah, go put on pants.” Steve climbed out of bed and headed for his own dresser. It was nice starting his day alongside Bucky. Something as simple as getting dressed was made better just because Bucky was there. 

Brunch at Lily’s turned out to be a brilliant idea. They rarely splurged on something so extravagant and it was fitting for their last day off together. They traded bites of eggs benedict and brioche french toast, sipped over priced lattes, and talked about all the places they wanted to go for weekend trips. Tentative, vague plans for some unknown future where they could get away for a weekend together. Wine tasting in the Finger Lakes, a lazy day at Coney Island, and a snowy weekend at Mohonk. Bucky couldn’t help but feel little zings of hope for a future with Steve as they added places to their imaginary list.

After a ridiculously decadent brunch, they chose to stroll around the farmers market. They had gone every Sunday for months and it wouldn’t feel like a Sunday without a trip out there. Steve bought his favorite coffee and Bucky picked up a loaf of artisan bread when the scent from the bakery stand caught his nose. Steve was grumbling about eating something green after two days of laziness and steering them to the produce stand when he heard a booming voice behind him.

“Steven!” the deep masculine voice bellowed. 

Steve jumped like he’d been bitten in the ass, dropping Bucky’s hand and spinning around to the source of the voice. “Thor! Hey man.” he replied, his voice tight with shock. Bucky was looking at him, wide eyed and uncertain of why Steve had reacted the way he did.

“What brings you to the market on this fine day?” Thor asked, adjusting the baby carrier he was wearing. He was an odd, overly formal, but very endearing man. That he looked like a men’s fitness model and could practically bench press a car made him a great addition to the team at the gym, and Steve was thankful they’d hired and befriended the man when they opened the gym years ago. 

“Just doing some shopping. How’s Maggie doing?” 

Thor beamed down at his daughter, “She is as perfect as her mother. We’re getting flowers while Jane takes a nap. Someone needs to learn to let her mama sleep.”

“She’s precious, Thor. Tell Jane hello for me.” 

“I shall. And who is your companion?”

Steve looked over at Bucky who was still watching the scene unfold uncertainly. He looked terrified and guilty all at once. “Uh. Um.” Steve stuttered, “This is my friend Bucky.” 

And there it was, Bucky thought, the other shoe finally dropped. Forcing himself to be the picture of calm, Bucky extended a hand to Thor. “Nice to meet you.” 

“You as well.” Thor replied, shaking his hand heartily. 

Bucky felt like his entire body shook along with his hand. What kind of gym was Steve running that everyone looked like these two? One he’d never see the inside of, that was for sure. 

Maggie let out an unhappy squeak and Thor shushed her soothingly. “I should get my little one home. It’s almost her nap time.”

Steve nodded, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“It was nice to meet you, Bucky.” Thor smiled at the brunette.

Bucky gave his best effort at a smile but it didn’t reach his eyes, “You too, Thor.” 

As Thor headed off Bucky turned to head towards the exit. He couldn’t do this in public. 

“Hey,” Steve trotted after him when he realized Bucky wasn’t headed to the produce stand with him. “Aren’t we going to go get some stuff for salads later?”

Bucky gritted his teeth before responding. “There isn’t going to be a later, Steve. Let’s just go back to your place so I can get my stuff.” 

“What? Why?” Steve’s insides clenched, he knew why. 

“I’m not doing this at the fucking farmers market. Let’s just go.” 

Yep, he screwed up. “I’ll call us an Uber.” 

The ride back to Steve’s apartment was painfully silent. Steve spent the ride kicking himself for freezing when they saw Thor. He knew he’d botched it. But he wasn’t out at work, or at all. Hell, he was still figuring out if he even needed to come out. He should have done better though. Steve cursed himself, he knew he’d fuck things up eventually and that worry had just become a self fulfilling prophecy. 

Back at Steve’s apartment Bucky still refused to meet his eyes or say more than monosyllabic replies. He hurried through packing his garish orange suitcase, shoving everything in haphazardly. Steve just followed him, looking like a kicked puppy and waiting for Bucky to say something. His bag was mostly packed when Steve finally spoke up, realizing Bucky was going to leave without saying a word. “I’m sorry.” he croaked out. 

Bucky sighed heavily, glancing over at Steve for a brief, painful, moment. “I knew better. This is on me too.” 

“I just. I don’t. I can’t.” Steve didn’t even know where to start. 

“Don’t.” Bucky’s tone was desperate. “Please don’t.” 

“Bucky, I-”

“Damnit Steve no!” he snapped, “I forgot okay? I fucking forgot. That this was all just an experiment for you. That you aren’t even really gay. I let myself think that this was something more than it was, and that’s on me. You never promised me anything and I should have known better. But god damnit, Steve, I can’t do this anymore. I _can’t_.” Bucky was shaking, tears freely falling as he zipped up his bag. “I fell in love with you. I didn’t mean to, but I did. I’m sorry. I hope you figure things out, I do, but you’re going to do it without me.” Grabbing the handle of his case, he drug it behind him and left Steve’s apartment without a word from the other man.

Steve’s knees gave out at the click of his front door shutting, crumpling down on the edge of his bed. He covered his face with his hands and took a tight breath. He felt like the entire universe was collapsing inside him. He was alone, again. And it was all his fault this time. Steve laid back on his bed, unable to exert the effort to even keep himself up right, and let himself fall apart.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve realizes the extent of his screw up and devises a plan to win his man back, even if that means coming out to everyone in his life.
> 
> Content Warning: a really sad Bucky and an even more sad Steve. But (cue Monty Python voice) it gets better!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! This is it, last chapter!! I know some of you have been waiting with baited breath since last night's cliffhanger. At least I don't make ya'll wait very long for new chapters! Thank you to every single one of you who has taken the time to leave kuddos and comments. Ya'll make writing such a rewarding experience. XOXO - Ash

“Dude, you look like a ghost.” Sam commented when Steve entered the gym the next day. 

Steve shrugged noncommittally. “Didn’t sleep great.” And that was the truth. Sleep had eluded him except for a few brief hours here and there. He hadn’t had the heart to change his sheets, as disgusting as he knew that was. He laid in his bed, trying to catch the faint scent of Bucky on his pillow and sheets. Steve was torturing himself over the break up that he’d known was inevitable. And it wasn’t even a break up, not really. And wasn’t that the bitch of it? He was hurting more now than he had when Peggy had left him and they had been together for over a year, had lived together even. Bucky was a fling, a curiosity that he couldn’t let go. Deep down Steve knew it had been more than that though. It had been _everything_. 

Sam let Steve throw himself into work, not pushing him to talk until he was ready. But when they were wrapping things up for the day Sam’s patience had run thin. His best friend was in worse shape than he’d ever seen him and he didn’t have a clue as to why. “Get your shit.” Sam ordered gruffly, “We’re gonna go get a beer.” he looked at Steve’s devastated expression, “Or five.” 

Two beers later Steve was peeling the label off of his drink, still avoiding the subject. Sam had been filling the silence with superficial work talk but when Steve lowered his head to his hands with a groan Sam caved. “Was it Peggy?” he ventured a guess. That was the last time he’d seen Steve even close to this rough of shape.

Steve let out a bitter laugh. “Nope. It definitely wasn’t Peggy.”

“Well then what, man? You look like someone’s ripped the life out of you. We used to talk about everything. What’s so bad you can’t even tell me?”

“Bucky.” Steve murmured quietly.

Sam wrinkled his nose trying to make sense of Steve’s answer. “Bucky who?” he said a second before it dawned on him. “Oh shit. Bucky as in WinterBae Bucky?” 

Steve nodded. 

“I didn’t even know you were still talking to him. What the hell happened?” 

“I fucked up, Sam.” Steve choked out as the tears came, fresh and hot down his cheeks. 

The story spilled out of him in fits and sobs as they nursed two more rounds of beers in the dimly lit quietness of the bar. Sam listened patiently, not commenting except for the occasional interjection of a _hmph_ or _ah ha_ to show he was listening. Steve felt raw and empty by the time he was done, finishing with Bucky’s departure the day before. 

Sam sat quietly for a moment, thinking over everything Steve had just dropped on him. When it was clear Steve was done Sam spoke up. “You know you could have told me, right? I was probably a bit of an ass when you told me about Bucky the day you met him, but I just didn’t want you getting yourself worked up over nothing. But this, man, this is something.” 

“I think I loved him.” 

“I think you still do or you wouldn’t be sitting here crying in your beer. So what now?” 

“What do you mean, what now?” 

“How are you going to fix this? No offense, but you definitely were the one who fucked up. So how are you going to go get your boy back?” 

“I don’t even know if he’d take me back. I hurt him Sam. He’s the most amazing, special person I’ve ever met and I made him feel like I was ashamed of him. What kind of person does that?” 

Sam rubbed Steve’s shoulder. “The kind of person who’s scared. You went thirty years thinking of yourself one way only to find out you maybe didn’t have the whole picture. That can be disorienting, but it’s not an excuse to hurt someone you love. You gotta make this right if you still want him in your life.” 

“I don’t know how.” Steve looked utterly defeated. 

“You gotta figure that one out on your own. But regardless if things work out with him or not, you still have to figure your shit out. Otherwise you’ll never have a real chance with any girl, or guy, again.” 

“I don’t want anyone else. I just want him” 

“Then ask yourself the hard questions, man. Are you willing to be honest with him? To really apologize and accept whatever he has to say back? Are you willing to really be with him, out in the open? Because if you couldn’t bring him into the gym and proudly introduce him to all of your friends, then don’t waste your time or his.” 

“I guess I have a lot of thinking to do.” 

“Take a few days off, get your head on straight. And call me if you need to talk.” 

“Thanks, Sammy.” Steve pulled his friend in for a bone crushing hug. It was going to be a long couple of days. 

xxXxx

Bucky knew it was foolish expecting Steve to text or call. But part of him had hoped that Steve had cared enough to at least try to reach out. Bucky chalked it up to one more time he’d had too much faith in Steve. It would be the last time though.

Natasha came over on Wednesday after Bucky had dodged her calls for three days straight. She slipped in with assassin-like stealth, using the spare key he’d given her years ago. Bucky was slumped on the sofa in his fluffiest lavender robe, hair laying stringy and limp around his shoulders, and a bag of gummy bears resting on his stomach. An episode of The Office was playing but he wasn’t really paying attention to it. He glanced over, unsurprised by her presence, and mutely handed her a clear gummy bear - her favorite flavor. She accepted the bear with a nod and settled in next to him. 

The episode ended and Bucky popped the last few pieces of candy in his mouth. “Are you here to yell at me for wallowing?” he asked, breaking the silence.

Natasha raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow at him. “Do you want me to?” 

Bucky shook his head, his composure breaking. “I miss him, ladybug.” he sobbed, turning to cling to his oldest, dearest, friend.

“I’m sorry, Bucky-bear.” Natasha held him tightly while he cried. She fired a quick text off and her phone chirped almost immediately. “Becca will be here by dinner.” 

“Nat, no.” he grumbled pathetically.

“Nat, yes.” she quipped. “Now come on, let’s get you cleaned up before she gets here and thinks I haven’t been looking after you.” 

Bucky grumbled more but complied. The last thing he needed was a Becca lecture. 

Becca arrived with bags of take out and several bottles of wine a little after six o’clock. She and Nat sat and listened while Bucky poured his heart out over the next few hours. They curled up around him on the sofa, letting him mourn and trying to just be there for him. He passed out eventually and Becca looked over his sleeping head at Natasha once his gentle snuffle-snores started. “I want a name and address.” she demanded with a low tone that left no room for disagreement. 

“I’ll text it to you. You go do what you have to do and I’ll keep an eye on our boy.” 

Becca was fuming the entire ride across town. She had been there for the fallout out from Brock, who had been the worst type of prick imaginable, but who Bucky had genuinely loved. And this was a hundred times worse. Becca knew it was stupid and ill advised but she needed to confront the asshole who thought he could just toy with her brother’s emotions like that. She still regretted not punching Brock when she’d had the chance, and she was not going to have that regret this time. 

Steve heard the sharp knock on his door and groaned. He’d already been in bed despite it only being nine thirty and he felt completely exhausted dragging himself to the door. Three days of beating yourself up will do that to a guy. Steve opened the door and his heart stopped. Standing in front of him was a petite woman who reminded him so much of Bucky he thought he was hallucinating. 

“Are you Steve Rogers?” the woman demanded. The grey-blue eyes, so much like Bucky’s, flared with anger.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, clearing his throat, “Who are you?” 

“The woman who’s brother is a fucking wreck right now because of you, you fucking prick.” Becca shoved at him as hard as she could but he barely moved, the damn mountain of a man.

“Bucky?” Steve choked out, his eyes welling up at the name.

“Yeah, Bucky. Or do you do this with all the guys? Poor gorgeous confused guy who just wants to get his rocks off and use people?” Becca was almost shouting, anger radiating off of her in waves. 

“What?!” Steve barked out, shocked, “No! God, no. Bucky was the only guy I ever… I didn’t mean to-” a sob slipped out and he fought for composure, “Is he okay? I… I miss him so much.” Steve broke down, wrapping his arms around himself tightly for the small bit of comfort it gave him.

Becca just stood there speechless for a moment. She had been so ready to deck this guy and chew him out for hurting her brother, but she hadn’t expected Steve to be a mess too. Clearly, things were more complicated than she’d thought. “He’s not, you ass.” she informed him, “And neither are you apparently. Now invite me in and let’s see if we can fix this, yeah?” 

Steve sniffled, nodding and backing out of the doorway so she could come in. Becca followed him to the sofa where he told her how badly he’d fucked up, which she already knew but felt reassured hearing how much it tore Steve up. It was satisfying knowing Steve was beating himself over what had happened and saving her the trouble. She let him finish and get himself under wraps again before she finally spoke up. “I’m not going to help you.” 

Steve visibly deflated. 

“But,” she added, causing him to perk up briefly, “I will get him where he needs to be for you to fix this mess. God knows he’ll be avoiding you like the plague right now. So figure out to make this right and let me know when and where. I’ll make sure he’s there.” Becca stood up, satisfied she was keeping her meddling to a minimum. 

“Thank you.” Steve said right as she reached the door.

She gave him a sharp nod, “But Steve.” she added, her tone like ice, “If you **ever** hurt my brother again? I’m gonna punch you in the dick so hard it won’t matter what your sexuality is because you won’t have anything left to use.” And with that warning, she closed the door loudly behind her. 

Steve groaned. He’d spent three days wallowing, now it was time to plan.

xxXxx

The next morning Becca’s phone buzzed in her pocket while she flipped a chocolate chip pancake, adding to the stack she was making for Bucky. 

_1pm @ Los Aztecas_ ; the text read, followed by an address. 

She sent back a thumbs up emoji, hoping she wasn’t betraying her brother. Natasha had seemed encouraging when she’d reported back to her the night before and that gave her some reassurance she was doing the right thing. 

Bucky slept late, cuddled up with Natasha in his rumpled bed. The three of them had curled up like they had when they were kids and Becca was happy to rejoin the warmth to wake up her brother and best friend. Bucky was reluctant to get out of bed but after some coaxing, they got him up and dressed. Becca filled Natasha in while Bucky showered and they planned on how they’d get Bucky out of the apartment later. 

It turned out to be easier than either woman expected. Becca claimed to have found a ‘cute little taco’ place online and gave him her best sad face when begging him to go out for lunch. Bucky was weak when Becca begged and they were in a cab on their way across time fifteen minutes earlier than they needed to be. Becca fired off a text to Steve of their ETA and gave Natasha a knowing nod when Bucky wasn’t looking. 

“Becs, no.” Bucky whined when they were dropped off outside the restaurant. 

“What?” Becca played dumb, mentally priding herself on her performance. “Why not?” 

“This is Steve’s taco place.” he swallowed roughly, refusing to cry in public. 

“That asshole doesn’t get to deprive you of tasty tacos.” Natasha interjected, “Besides, what are the odds you’ll even run into him? Come on,” she gave him a push towards the door, “Mama needs tacos.” 

Bucky grumbled but ducked into the little restaurant with them. His eyes adjusted to the low lighting and he missed Steve with an intensity that made him physically ache. He wondered how long it would be until everything stopped making him think of Steve. Hell, even the sound of a guy laughing in the other room reminded him of Steve. As a matter of fact, that laugh really did sound familiar. Too familiar. Shit.

“Hey, Buck.” 

Bucky cringed, glaring daggers at his sister and best friend before turning around. Well, at least he’d put on real clothes before going out. “Hi Steve.” he said as normally as he could. 

Steve was standing in the doorway to the private dining room looking devastatingly handsome in his white and blue checked shirt and khakis. Bucky wished he had been overly generous in remembering how damned attractive Steve was. If it weren’t for the faint bruises of purple under Steve’s bright blue eyes, he would have thought nothing was wrong. 

“Can we talk for a minute?” Steve asked, wringing his hands nervously. 

Bucky turned around to Becca and Natasha, “I hate you both.” he growled. But he nodded to Steve and followed him into the empty dining room.

“What’s this about Steve?” he asked, his voice betraying his exhaustion. 

“You.” Steve said simply, “It’s always gonna be about you.” he cleared his throat, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. “I wanted to say I’m sorry I hurt you. I never meant to but I know I absolutely did. I was a coward and I’m ashamed of how I acted. But I’m not ashamed of us. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want everyone to know it. I needed to sort my shit out, not just for you but for me too. I’m sorry it took me so long to do that. I don’t want to hide you away like some secret. I want to be able to walk down the street holding your hand, kiss you on the corner and not give a shit who sees us. I want you to meet my friends, my coworkers, my family. I want us to take all those silly trips we were planning together. I want you in my life, completely, not just when it’s convenient. Because I love you. I love you so much it terrifies me. And whether you want to give me, _us_ , another try, or if you want to kick me in the balls and never see me again, I just needed to tell you that.” 

Bucky sniffed back the tears that were gathering in the corners of his eyes and took a long breath. “You hurt me.” his voice was steadier than he felt and Bucky was grateful for that. “And you’re never going to do that again. Do you hear me? Never again, Steve. I love you too much to go through this again.” Bucky gave him a soft smile, letting his words sink in.

“You still love me?” Steve whispered hopefully.

“Of course I do, you punk.” 

Steve laughed wetly, pulling Bucky in for a hug. They were still holding each other when Sam popped his head in a few minutes later. “You two ready for the party yet?” Sam called out, startling them both. This time though, Steve took Bucky’s hand in his tightly. 

“Come on in.” Steve waved his hand to his friend. “Sam, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Bucky. Bucky, this is my best friend Sam.” 

Bucky was beaming as he extended a hand to shake Sam’s. “Nice to meet you Sam. I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

Sam gave Bucky his brightest gap toothed smile, immensely happy for both of them. “Likewise.” 

Thor was the next to pop his head in, accompanied by his wife Jane and their baby. Becca and Natasha sauntered in with margaritas in hand, twin expressions of smug happiness on their faces. Sam and Steve had closed the gym for the afternoon, enabling everyone to join them for a late lunch. Steve figured funding for an impromptu party for all of his nearest and dearest was a small price to pay to get the love of his life back. 

Bucky stayed glued to Steve’s side for the entire party. Likewise, Steve kept a hand on him at all times, whether it was wrapped around Bucky’s or resting around the other man’s waist, it was like a lifeline tethering them together. There was some gentle ribbing from Pietro and Scott about Steve finally manning up but overall everyone treated Steve’s unofficial coming out party as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Steve was both relieved and a little ashamed he had been so concerned. He loved these guys like family, he should have known they would accept him no matter what. 

As the party died down their assortment of friends trailed off to get about their days. Natasha and Sam had been sitting together at the bar for the better part of an hour, much to Steve and Bucky’s amusement. They were just a hair too close for it to be casual and the faint smile on Natasha’s face cemented Bucky’s assumption that she was smitten. 

“I’ll see you at the apartment later. Or tomorrow.” Becca teased, giving her brother a hug goodbye. “Don’t hurry home for me.” 

“I won’t.” Bucky assured her. He watched her go, leaving just him and Steve left in the room. “You ready to head back to your place?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” Steve looked down at him with a fond smile, “I think I am.” 

Bucky snorted a laugh, “You _think_ so? You really should be more certain about things, Steve. Would’ve saved us a lot of trouble.” 

Steve bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. “Well, I know one thing for sure.”

“Oh really? And what’s that?” Bucky grinned, playing along.

“That I love you.” Steve leaned down to kiss Bucky sweetly. 

“Well then.” Bucky smiled widely against Steve’s mouth, “That’s a really good start.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t have an epilogue for this fic, but if anyone would like mini head cannons set after the fic leave a comment with what you’re looking for and I can write something up just for you and reply back with it.


End file.
